I really want a hobby

Maybe I can make that my new year's resolution. I really want to try photography. I've always wanted to. Daniel bought me a Holga camera for I think it was christmas last year and I've only gone through one roll of film. I don't know anything about it and it's really expensive to get developed. I got the roll developed and only like 1 or 2 pictures were ok. For 2 pictures it was still over $10. I wanna say like $16. I need to get my own film developing kit. It'll be expensive at first, but I don't know. I think it could be worth it. If I really get into it maybe I can get a nice digital camera.

I really want to do more yoga too. I actually really enjoy it. I just need to make time for it. I need to get into shape! But who doesn't right?

Oh yeah that epilator hurts like hell. I keep trying and trying. I'm not going to give up. But I'm kinda sad because even with all the pain the results aren't that great. It's making red marks on my legs for every pore a hair gets yanked out of. It is pulling the hairs! My legs just aren't as smooth as I had hoped for. Maybe it will be once the pores clear up. I've only been doing my legs and that's supposed to be the least painful spot! I can't even imagine doing it anywhere else. My pain threshold should change though. I'm hoping. I haven't even got 1 leg done! I've only worked on the bottom half of my legs and they're not even done.

Well I guess I should get some sleep. My stomach is hurting for some reason.

Results

from what I wanted to complete before the year ended:

What I Completed:

Taken a picture of the art I don't want and got rid of it
Done with the journals thing since they're gone
got rid of the future stuff
just about completely converted to physician's formula (not worried about eye shadows. I still need to get the pencil liner)
Got a flashdrive for christmas (I still need to back up my stuff though, but I've had problems with my portable hard drive)
Went through keepsakes. I got rid of what I could for now

What I didn't complete:

pay library fees (I guess I still could before the new year)
get rid of stuff in "get rid of pile". I'm still mulling some of it over

Pretty good progress! I'm overall pretty satisfied. I haven't been thinking about my room as much lately. There's really not much else I can do.

I've been really anxious lately. I found out I no longer have health insurance. Being a hypochondriac and watching grey's anatomy has not been helping. It's so hard not to think about it. It's just this like sinking feeling. I'm hoping the situation gets solved soon. 

Awesome Christmas! :D

I had a really good Christmas this year! From Daniel I got a car stereo (I got that before Christmas), from my dad I got $150, from Daniel's mom I got an awesome luggage set, a monogrammed really soft and heavy blanket, a flash drive, tire gauge, and candy, she also got a big keurig for the both of us!, from Daniel's aunt and uncle I got a $25 gift card for bath and body works, from my sister I got a $50 plato's closet gift card (I cannot believe that), from my parents I got $175, a $90 epilator (I cannot believe that either!) and physician's formula mascara and eyeliner!

I had a really good year. I can't wait to buy some clothes!

...

I keep getting these ideas for posts which I know are dumb. I'd want to write them, but then I'd feel like I'd look like a fool or something if I posted them because of how unimportant they are. Do I write them and look like a girl who only cares about herself, or do I not write them and hold out?

I hate feeling boring

Ugh. But I don't know what would make me feel more interesting. Interests and hobbies probably. I'm not passionate about anything. Besides minimalism. But that's not a hobby. I like to write, but not really anything besides this blog. I don't know. Just feeling down.

My Dream House

Would probably look something similar to this:

So excited!

For our cabin trip! We leave on Tuesday! It will be so nice just to get away from everything. Work mostly. It's gonna be so fun! I wish it was going to snow though, but I don't think it will. I went out and bought hiking boots. They're pretty crappy though. Not water proof. Oh well. I don't think I'll use them that often. I needed something though. They were only like $17 I think from k-mart.

I tried to pack pretty minimally. My goal is to fit everything in my backpack. Including my boots. So far I've succeeded. All I need to add is a bra and a pair of pants. I think I am going to bring 2 just to be safe. I haven't decided if I want to bring my blow dryer and straightener yet. I should probably give my hair a break. But I don't want to risk getting bangs from hell. I'm not including any of our "joint" things in there because I'm not going to put them in my backpack. There's really not even that many joint things to bring. I think I'm gonna bring my ihome. We may bring some sort of casserole dishes or something cause we haven't decided on what to cook yet. Maybe extra pillows and blankets. We're going to buy groceries there.

I really wish my hair would grow. I know that's like all I've been writing about, but it's been on my mind a lot. I actually trimmed the ends again today because of how damaged my ends are. If I try to grow it like that, it will just keep breaking and never get any longer. I wonder how long I can go without dying my hair. Sometimes I just want to grow my hair out to its natural color. Just because it would be natural. Another look I've been mulling over is like light brown hair with like a big blonde chunk somewhere underneath. just like one or two. I'd have to grow out my dark hair in any situation. If I keep my hair at this length, it will probably take me another year to grow it out. I need to get my hands on some chamomile shampoo. I'm wondering what my natural color would look like with a bleach blonde chunk. That'd be so crazy if I just grew my hair out naturally! Maybe I can let my roots get bad and see what it looks like. I may try that. Probably not but we'll see.

@$@$#@$#

So after all that talk yesterday, I decided to trim my hair (upper layers) and not my bangs. I realized that the right side of my hair barely had any short layers in it and the left side of my head had a ton. No idea how that happens. I thinned out my hair at the bottom too (to get more of the dark out). i think what I may do is just keep cutting my hair like I have been until all the darkness grows out. Then maybe I'll do what I was talking about. I think my hair right now is about 50% reddish and 50% darkish. That's pretty good! I feel like I'm actually getting somewhere. It's very tempting to just cut my hair short to get all the dark out, but it's not worth it. I'm fairly close to being done with my shampoo. so for my next shampoo, I may be bad and get a shampoo that has sulfates in it. I'm thinking pantene pro-v. Sulfates are supposed to fade hair. Then I think for the conditioner I'm going to get the aussie 3 minute miracle stuff. I feel like my hair actually stays in pretty good shape with that stuff. I want to try chamomile shampoo, because I heard that fades hair. I need to find some though. That's awesome! I just looked at my hair and it looks like I cut a lot of the dead stuff out! I wasn't even planning on that! I actually did a better job cutting it out this time than I did the 3 times I tried to specifically do that!

I can't wait until my dark hair is gone! I'm tired of looking at it! I don't know what I'm going to do about my desk. I was thinking, another possibility would be to paint it white. I'm tired of dark furniture. I really wish I had a futon. I think I would be really happy with it. I'd even like just having my mattress on the floor. But there's nowhere for me to put the rest of the bed (to store) and I know Daniel wouldn't let me anyway. Man if I had a futon it would be so awesome. I know exactly where I would put my media stand thing. Great now I want to rearrange my room. I really don't think there's anything else I can do with it though. Ugh. Oh well.


Just to give my mind something to look at instead of trying to mentally visualize it. This is what I would do in my room in the perfect world.

1. Paint walls clean white
2. Get a futon, get rid of bed
3. get the white malm dresser from ikea
4. paint my desk white
5. probably get a white bookshelf for me to put my hobby/desk area things on it

I really want a papillon

I've almost become obsessed with it. One thing that sucks is that they're so hard to find for under like $800. Not like I could get one now anyway. I guess if Daniel and I put our money together we could do it. My ideal papillon would look like this one. However I know that's like pretty much close to impossible. One thing that sucks is that there's such a color variation. Ugh. I need to stop obsessing.

I can't decide if my hair needs a trim or not. Like the short layers. I kind of want it to grow out a bit so I can try to even it out. Idk what to do with my bangs. They're looking kind of long. Honestly I don't even know what my ideal hair style is anymore. I always see asian girls with cute hairstyles. Haha definitely just left my blog for like half an hour to look at youtube videos of asian girls hair. lol. At some point I want to go to a asian/korean hairstylist. That's probably my best bet. Yeah I think I'll just grow it out for a while maybe trim my bangs until I find a place.

I am so bored right now. I can't think of anything to write about. That must be how I know I'm close to reaching my minimalist goal. Cause I can't think of anything else to get rid of besides that stuff I haven't really decided on yet. Although yesterday I was almost considering putting my desk on craigslist. I could probably get $100 for it. It's like brand new condition. It's nice but it's too big. Also it's espresso colored and I've really been into white furniture lately. Although I don't even use my desk much now. Half of me would want to just completely get rid of a desk. The other part of me would want a plain white desk like this one.
Without the black bottoms. I know it would be dumb to sell it, but at the same time I kind of want to. Idk I guess I'll figure it out.

^^^

I've really had no writing material lately. Although I have been moving stuff around my room a bit. I put my dresser back in my closet again (I swear I have OCD). I also took out all the "objects" that were in there and replaced the space with just about all my wardrobe. I don't have my winter jackets in there or my summer clothes. I actually have quite a bit of room to spare too! So my closet is more open now. I really hate my closet. it just harvests like all of my ocd tendencies. I really hate that I do these sort of things, but if I don't do it, it just keeps eating at me until I do it. It makes it really hard to be productive in anything else.

I feel kind of weird

Not really sure why. Probably because Daniel's asleep and I'm not and usually it's the other way around. At least at night. I should probably go to sleep, but I'm not quite tired enough yet.

I really want some new clothes. I need some variety. I need more clothes I like. The clothes I've got rid of thus far have been things that were either worn out or not the style I'm going for or don't wear.

I just thought of something I may do. At the end of the year, since nobody really reads this I may just save the entries on my computer and get rid of them. That way I can start fresh.

I guess I should go to sleep.

On Christmas break!!

I'm done with all my finals! I got a B in accounting 2! hehe I got a B in accounting 1 and 2, when statistically most people get one letter grade lower. Also after pulling my moms leg I got my tuition paid for! I'm so thankful! That's such a huge weight lifted off of me! The only thing I need to worry about now is turning in my paper work to graduate (with my associates) after this semester. It shouldn't be too bad. Now (well after Christmas) I can finally start looking for something better job wise! I'm really excited. I'm so happy to be on break. After a 5 day a week semester this is really nice.

Now I can spend time doing stuff I really want to do, blogging, learning to knit better, hang out with my mom. Maybe some yoga. Oh yeah more good news! I think I found a type of contacts that works with my eyes! I'm ecstatic! I haven't bought them yet, but I have in a trial pair. My eyes get a little blood shot, but nothing near what it was before after wearing them for only like an hour. They're supposed to let in more oxygen or something like that. It's been awesome! I've felt so much more confident about myself.

Not much going on minimalism wise. Just been enjoying it I guess. lol. I'm feeling pretty optimistic :) I actually don't feel like I have anything to write about lol.

At school again

Man I'll be completely done with this semester a week from now! I can't wait! On my agenda I have to study for accounting then the test, write a paper, and take an online pe exam. I finished my yoga final last night. I should probably start on my paper. I just can never get the motivation. It doesn't even have to be that long. My tuition is due on the 6th :(

I'm gonna stop talking about school since I can't think of anything to say about it right now. Hmm I'm not sure what I want to write about. I cannot wait until Christmas break! I really want to get better at knitting while on the break.

I really want to start eating better! I bought an apple juice today instead of a soda which is a start! I know apple juice still has a lot of sugar in it. I need to break my soda addiction! I think 2 weeks is kind of the marker for when I shouldn't crave it as much. So I guess I'll start today since I haven't had any today. The other day I was trying to come up with a list of healthy snacks. Now I just need to buy them. However I need to plan healthier meals. Today I had oatmeal and milk for breakfast. For lunch I had like half a can of lentil soup. So I'm actually doing pretty good today! Here are some of the snack ideas I came up with:

Bananas

Cut up apples

Cut up apples and grapes

Grapes

Some sort of trail mix (popcorn, cheerios, crasions, m&ms vanilla pudding powder mix)

Carrots

Carrots & celery

Celery with laughing cow cheese

Pita chips

Nuts

Berries

String cheese

Cheerios

I need to come up with some healthy, quick meals. Canned soup is usually pretty good. I saw these things I want to try. I forgot what they're called, but they're like veggie fries that you bake. Well I guess I should probably go. I don't want to! Even though I'm just going to go watch a movie in my class.

Cabins

Lately I've really been liking woods themed things. Cabins being one of them. Maybe it's the simplicity again and kind of reaches back to my little house on the prairie nostalgia, but I've been into them lately. Modern ones more specifically. I like the woody exterior, but I'm not so sold on the interior. Maybe we don't need to own one.

Daniel has actually planned a trip for us in the middle of December to go to a cabin right around Gatlinburg, TN. I hope it snows! hehe! Anyway, I'm pretty excited! We're going with 3 other people. I want to try minimally packing since it will only be for 3 days and 2 nights. Hmm maybe I should make a list of what to bring (my things not joint things like medicine, toothpaste)

1 pair of jeans (I don't want to bring another but I may because if it does snow, they'll get wet)
2 shirts
1 cardigan
1 jacket
gloves
2 hats (hehe)
1 scarf
3 pairs of socks
3 pairs of undies
1 bra
bathing suite (hot tub)
boots (I need to get some that can withstand snow and nature)
moccassins or boots I just bought

hairbrush
toothbrush
deodorant
make-up (concealer, foundation, powder, eyeliner, mascara)
scrunchies
shampoo
conditioner
body wash
straightener
hair dryer
make-up remover

That seems like just about everything. Not super minimal, but some girls would bring like 5 pairs of pants for 3 days. The 2 hats are probably excessive but oh well :)

That feeling

You get when you just feel kind of down about yourself. I hate it. When you just feel not very cool, not skinny enough, etc. I need to stop allowing myself to do that. I was looking on pinterest at a girl's folder of tattoos. Of course there's skinny girls with nice tattoos all over. *sigh* I've really got to stop drinking soda. I know I can cut at least a few pounds by doing that.

Social websites like facebook and pinterest if you count that influence me so easily. I always feel much better about myself when I stay away from them. Maybe I should do that for a while.

My "get rid of pile"

It's driving me crazy! I don't have it in my closet. I did that on purpose so I would go through it. There's some vases in there that I want my mom to hang on to until I get a place since they take up a lot of room. So I wouldn't actually be getting rid of those. I want plants, but I don't have room for them right now. There is also if I remember correctly some reusable grocery bags and a zippered bag thing for storage. Not sure what I should do with those because I feel like I can use them. 2 lamps. 1 is a big floor lamp. It looks like this.

I don't use it or have room for it. I know I should probably hang onto it. I also have a desk lamp that I don't use that I should probably hang onto. I have a camera bag that I'm not sure if I should get rid of or not. I had all my lomo stuff in it, but the bag is so big! Also it has colors that I like and it was .99. Camera bags are expensive to replace. I also have a media shelf thing that I've mentioned. Daniel doesn't want it right now, but he says he wants it. I wish he would take it if he did want it. Then there's this organizer that you put in closets. I may try to use that for scarves and hats. I think that's it besides some clothes I'm not sure about. I guess I can take those vases to my mom's for now and go from there. I'm getting pretty close to the end of the line. I'm hoping I'll be done once I decide on that pile.

I went through my keepsakes and didn't end up getting rid of much. Oh well. I can focus on it more once the other stuff is dealt with.

Ahh! I want to go home! I'm at school right now. My class was cancelled, but I still have another class today! This is my last day before our 3 day break (wish we had a week). I have to work a bunch though :( I do need the money. But I'm off thanksgiving! We're not even open :)

:)

For some reason the last few days I've really been wanting a puppy/dog. Being a cat person this was a surprise for me. I just started thinking about my mom's dogs and how loyal they are. Always happy to see me, be by my side, sleep near me. Then I stumbled upon this health blog http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/ and saw a picture on a post she had of making organic dog treats for her dog. This is the picture from her blog that got me:

Then I started thinking: how awesome would it be to have a little cute companion to spoil? Obviously I don't want a dog just so I can make it treats. (I don't even think I'd do that). I want an animal that will come to me whenever I call it, will let me chase it (playing), play tug of war, snuggle under the blankets with me, go for rides with me, let me dress it up with cute sweaters when it's cold. A dog.

So I started researching breeds. [I would like to adopt if I can, but if not I may have to go to a breeder :( ] The dogs I were interested in were all terriers. Small, don't shed, calm. As I was researching there was one thing in the back of my head: Daniel doesn't like dogs. But I thought to myself, maybe I can change his mind. After bringing it up a few times and getting let down, I didn't give up. It wasn't so much as a surrender as it was a confusion. He didn't want a terrier. I was a little sad, but soon moved on, because I had accomplished something. I convinced him. Once we changed the criteria a little bit we found the perfect breed for us. They're called papillons. The above picture is a puppy.

They have these adorable butterfly ears and they're the perfect size! I was really surprised Daniel liked them! But I'm very happy. They're very smart. This breed does a lot of agility type things. One bad thing though. I've seen them go anywhere from $800-$2000. Also we're not getting it now besides the money since we still live with his mom. They're so cute though! I can't wait until the day comes when we can get one. I still love cats. Papillons and cats seem like they play well together which is awesome! I want one so bad!

Getting rid of stuff

I brought over two bags worth of stuff to my moms today for her to go through. I know it seems like I'm dumping that stuff off and I kind of am. I just can't handle it being in my room. I'll help her get rid of the rest to goodwill but right now I just need to get it out of my room. After that stuff it's really about making decisions if I really want it or not. I have 2 lamps a media shelf thing. Daniel said he wants it but he's not taking it so maybe I'll give it to my brother. A vase with peacock feathers my mom gave me for my 18th birthday. A couple vases. That's just about it. I have this little table that isn't being used but I just don't have the room or use for it but I know we'll need it in our living room when we move out.

I also did something good today. I emptied this shampoo and conditioner down the drain. It's the garnier fructise "biodegradable" shampoo. That stuff sucked so much. I was trying to use it up but it's seriously like one of the worst shampoos I've ever used. It made my hair soo greasy. I only had about 1/4 bottle left for both so I just pulled the trigger and did it. I'm tired of waiting. Because I was planning on dying my hair when I finished that shampoo since it has sulfates in it which fade hair. I actually want my hair to fade because the ends are dark but once I dye it I'm not going to use any shampoo with sulfates. So maybe I'll dye it soon. I'm going to do it a light red color. I'm pretty excited. It should show up pretty well this time since my hair is pretty light on top. Also the last few times I've done it I've done it a dark red and it always is too dark. I can't wait! I need a little more money in my account though. So maybe this weekend.

I threw out all my old journals.

Crazy I know. Honestly, it feels amazing. I won't really go into detail, but I'm glad I did. I'm still in shock, but it feels good at the same time. I'm actually doing really well for the progress of my 2011 goals. So far I've:

Taken a picture of the art I don't want and got rid of it
Done with the journals thing since they're gone
"got rid" of the future stuff (i haven't got rid of it yet, but it's in my pile to get rid of so i will soon)

I still need to:

get a flash drive to back scanned stuff up
go through keepsakes and get rid of a lot of them
pay library fees
convert to all physicians formula make up
*I still need to switch out my mascara, pencil liner, and liquid liner, I'm not worried about my eyeshadows for now
(edit) I also need to get rid of all the stuff in my "get rid of" pile

so yeah! it feels pretty good!

Christmas

Today Daniel and I were briefly discussing Christmas. I have no idea what I want. As I've mentioned before, sure I'm a minimalist, but I do like things. Just the best and not in excess! I have just about everything I want! Definitely what I need! I kind of want to come up with a list though of things that are on my wishlist. lol

1. Epilator (hair remover thing)
2. stereo for my car. mine came with one but it's broken and was installed really bad, so i just took it out. It was just making me sad being in there. so yeah i don't have one at all right now. although my iphone speaker does come in handy
3. luggage. i haven't decided what kind yet, but i need something. Duffel bags haven't been cutting it. i haven't exactly tried traveling lightly though. last time i actually traveled i still had a huge wardrobe. i like this one but it's only carry on size. (i'm not quite that minimal yet!)

4. good pair of tweezers
5. physcians formula pencil eyeliner (black)
6. physicians formula felt pen liner
7. physicians formula concealer (green on one end skin color on the other)
8. 2-3 pairs of skinny jeans that aren't ripped
9. toiletry bag from amazon

10. slouchy grey hat. i really want one but i'd have to pick it out cause i'm picky. I like the style of these:

11. eco tools eye shadow brushes

12. physcian's formula mascara (black; thickening)
13. faux fur blanket (natural colored like the one on top)

Well I think that's it. Some expensive things mixed in with some not so expensive things.

Depression

I am not depressed. Just to clear that up front. For some reason this morning I woke up just kind of angry towards what I like to call "chronically depressed people." Those people who are just always depressed. When I think about these people I'm just annoyed! I understand there are people who actually do have excuses for being depressed (losing a loved one, having cancer, knowing someone who has cancer etc.), but besides that category of people I am just irritated at them. Lately I've been typing all my old journal entries onto my computer. And man were some of them depressing! I used to be one of those people! From reading those entries day after day of being sad and borderline suicidal, I realized something. I was doing it to myself. I was the one staying in that particular situation. I would write about how sad I was and how life just kind of sucked, and you know what? I didn't do one thing about it. I just kept letting it happen. Day after day same sad things. In some points in my life I was hurt. Very badly. A lot of which still affect me every day. Anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. But I let those things happen. I allowed myself to get hurt. So you know what? I really don't have anyone to blame, but myself. You ALWAYS have a choice.

I'm not that person anymore. I'm not wallowing in my own pity party (not that I'm depressed, because I'm not). I stopped feeling sorry for myself and put myself out there. And guess what happened? I met the most amazing person I've met in my entire life! I'm the happiest I've ever been and we're engaged! Being depressed got me nowhere! Now I couldn't be happier!

I'm just tired of people being sad all time! If something bothers you that much change it! Fat? Start working out. Bad relationship? Get out. Credit card debt? Stop spending money on non-essentials until the debt is paid off. I mean I don't know. I've been there. I'm not one of those people who has been a ray of sunshine my entire life. I've hit rock bottom. I know it sucks. The only person who can help you is yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and change what you don't like!

Digitizing

Today is 11-11-11 !!

Man it takes a lot time. I decided to do my art today. I haven't got rid of it yet. But I did take pictures of just about all of it. I left out stuff that I either really didn't like, or would probably keep (because I'm keeping it). I actually ended up keeping more of it than i thought I would. Who knows I may get rid of more. This was just my first round. I'm going to ask my mom if she wants any of the stuff I don't want. Whatever she doesn't want I'll toss the rest. I really don't see a point in keeping art that I'm not proud of/don't particularly like looking at. But I don't want to completely forget about it. Man I want to be done!!! With all the stuff in my closet that I don't want gone! I'll probably start getting rid of that stuff when I'm done with my journals and everything. I'll feel better once the paper is gone for my journals and art. Cause right now I feel like I haven't actually done anything.

I'm working 3 times this weekend and have an accounting test on Monday so I probably won't get to do that much this weekend. Oh yeah i kind of cut the ends on my hair today. I've cut my ends like 3 times on the last 2 months or so, but I almost never cut that much. However today I cut more than I usually do. The last 2 times i did it, the ends were still really dead. So I'm guessing I cut off like 1/2 of the lowest layer. I did a tiny bit on the layer above that, but I stopped cause I was scared I was going to cut too much. I think in like 2 or 3 months I want to go to a salon and get my ends cut. Cause I did kind of a botchy job. It's not bad, it's just not good. I know there's still more split ends though. But they go up like 4 or 5 inches because of how my hair is cut (razored). So I'm not cutting off that much. I'll just have to keep doing it like this for a while.

Man I'm tired of waiting for stuff! My dark hair to grow out so i can dye it red, my hair to get longer, me to be done with digitizing everything, me to be done with accounting, me to get a better job, me to finish shampoo I don't like. Ugh!! It's getting so annoying! Yeah life could definitely be worse, but it's still annoying.

I'm not exactly sure why I feel like writing

Since I've been copying journal entries like a madwoman the last few days. I'm still not done! I still have sooo much more to go. It's really annoying, tedious work. I've got to get it done though. I won't be satisfied until it is. Man I can't wait until it's done. It's like getting a house built or something, and it seems like it takes for ever and you won't be happy until it's done. But when it is, it's like the best thing ever. I really need to back up my hard drive though. I haven't done that in a really long time. I know my art will go a lot better. Maybe slightly harder to get rid of though. Oh well. I guess we'll see when we get there.

I'm at school right now

Waiting for class to start. I've got like 30 min. So this morning I woke up completely motivated to go through that stuff :) so I did. And I'm happy. I ended up taking out A LOT. Not that there was a ton to begin with. I'm happy with the results. What I ended up doing was completely eliminating an entire bin. The stuff that was left over I was able to fit in my dresser. I actually took everything out of all the bins. In one bin I put all my keepsakes that there is no way I'm getting rid of. In the other bin I put keepsakes that I want to go though and may consider getting rid of. Nothing else is in those bins! :D I'm very happy about that. One of the bins had art in it but I took all of it out so I can go through it and photograph it and such. I do have a couple small bins too. But I'll explain those. One has christmas ornaments for me and Daniels tiny tree that I also have. So I'm not touching that one. The other two are in the keepsake boxes because they're also keepsakes. Just tiny ones.

I'm getting so close I can taste it! Lol. So tonight when Daniels at his guys night I am all over this. Typing journal entries and taking pictures of art. However I already know I'm probably not going to get through my journals. That's probably like close to 8 hours of work if I had to guess. Maybe even more. I can't believe how much I've written over my lifetime! Eventually this is going to go with the rest of my journals. I really don't even keep a journal anymore besides this blog. It's funny my very last paper entry was like a couple days before I started this blog. Take a wild guess what that entry was about? Minimalism. Not really a surprise.

So yeah if it's not obvious I've started another "debating" pile in my closet. This is similar to all the stuff that was in my attic at my old house. Everything I "decide" I don't want goes there until I actually get rid of it. Which could take some time but I'm guessing not more than a month or so. I'll probably get rid of everything once I'm done with my journals and stuff. I need to sell my old textbooks too. They're on amazon right now but I guess I need to decrease the price. They're all stacked in my closet taking up space. Well I guess I should get to class.

I'm sleepy

but I kind of feel like writing. not sure what about. This time change has completely got me out of sorts. I am so ready for this semester/year to be over. Although on a good note, I believe in my accounting class the material should be a lot easier than it has been :) I have a feeling I'm actually going to maybe get an A or B in accounting 2. That would be super fantastic. The hardest parts should be over. AND I got a 90 on the first test and a 76 on the second. I'm actually enthused about both because I thought I completely bombed the second one. After this semester everything should be somewhat smooth sailing. I'll have time for a better job, not have to drive as much, only 2 classes next semester (that's all that's left for my associates also they're with the same teacher. Daniel had him and loves him), since I don't have to drive as much and should have time to work more, I'll have more money! Finally. How's that for a run on sentence. I'm really excited. Also I just started thinking about new year's resolutions. Yeah it's a little early. Let's see that I can come up with. Actually I may have a different take on this. Let's see what I can accomplish before the new year. This is what I would like to have done

1. all journal entries typed ( i have been working on this, but it will definitely take some time)
2. get rid of less important keepsakes/take pictures of what I get rid of
3. purchase 1 or 2 flash drives to make sure everything is backed up (I have a portable hard drive too, but I need to be sure. This is most of my life journalized. Some of 99 through 11)
4. convert to all physicians formula make up if i can 
5. pay my library fees!! i've had them since 2008! I actually have a hold on my account now because i owe $14 (i thought the cut off was $15 but whatever)
6. maybe get rid of my "future" stuff. let's see what we need when we get there. I can't even remember what's in there. I think a lot of vases, plastic plates, and bowls.
7. take a picture of the art I don't want and get rid of it.

If I get all that done, I should be right where I want to be minimalist wise. Then I can focus on the new year living life. Trying new hobbies, working towards my future, live. I really wish I could be more motivated to do these things without meeting my "goal" but I just can't. I'm such a black and white kind of person. They way I work is I have to focus on one thing, finish it in it's entirely, and then move on to the next. I can't start something else until the other thing is done. for the most part this system works pretty well, but for other times, it's rather annoying. Like in this instance. I just become obsessed with something until it's "finished". If you can remember reading my very earliest entries with the whole lotion thing. so I hope to be done by the new year, but we'll see.

i guess it's good daniel is having a guys night tomorrow, because now I'm super motivated to do all these things. i'm so pathetic, because I'm getting so excited at the thought of all this being done.

&^*^*%

I finally started doing some stuff that I've been wanting to do for a long time. I finally scanned everything I need to (there may be some stuff I still need to but I'm pretty sure there's not.)! Also, I decided I don't want to keep any of the movies I wanted copied. I realized I literally have not watched almost any of movies more than like twice. There's no point in keeping them. If I really want to watch them, I'll find a way. So I haven't got rid of them yet, but made the decision I don't want them. All I really have to do now is get all my journal entries typed up. That's going to take a really long time. Most people would probably want to keep the paper copies, but there's not point. I haven't reread any of my journals since I wrote them. I just want a digital copy so I can ditch all the paper. All I want is the content. Not the sloppy preteen hand writing. When I get that done it will be a huge accomplishment. I know it will be very satisfying. Much more satisfying than having the paper copies laying around taking up space. The emptiness is more worth the few seconds of nostalgia I would have if I were to ever reread those journals.


You know once I decided I wanted to be a minimalist, I never thought I would want to go as far as I already have. I know I will still go further. I don't know when I'll stop. I really don't want to be one of those having only a backpack kind of people. But I still don't want a lot. I wonder what 100 things would look like? If I ever did that I wouldn't include keepsakes and photos and such. Maybe I'll try it one day. Clothes would be hard for me though. I'm guessing for my clothing items not including undies, socks, accessories, shoes things like that but jackets, pants, shirts is probably around 50. Probably less than more. I guess we'll just see what happens!

I rearranged my room the other day

I did like it. Then I moved my dresser out of closet. So bulky!! The flow of my room is so off now. I just can't seem to get it right. I'd put it back in but I really hate how crammed my closet was getting. I couldn't reach anything. I really don't like that dresser. Not only the dresser itself but the fact that it's crammed with things. Most of which I do use. What I don't use are things that Daniel would get mad at me for getting rid of. A deck of cards, a card game scrabble slam, a book of mad libs. I wish he would take them. Oh well. I'm to the point now where I just about like everything I have. Now I'm on to simplifying what I do like. I really need to get those DVDs copied. I have a big camera bag for my lomo camera that I really need to use. The bag is so big though. It takes up so much space. If I do get rid of it I only spent a dollar. The zippers are broken too. I have two big purses I don't use. They were somewhat expensive but just too big. Maybe I can sell them or give them to my mom or sister. I'd like to keep one but idk. The rest of the stuff I have will be somewhat painful to get rid of.

:/

My cars in the shop again. Ugh. I think my MIL is going to pay for it. I'm so thankful. I don't know what I'd do without her. My mom won't take responsibility for me. I can't wait until I'm done with accounting so I can get a job where I'm working more than 6 hours a week...anyway

I started writing this post because I wanted to talk about phones. (instead of studying for accounting like I should be doing.) I really need daniel's help, but he's at school right now. Anyway! So last time I talked about switching phones I never actually did it. I couldn't bring myself to. However today about an hour ago, I gave my mom the go ahead to shut off my phone. I really don't want to not have an iphone, but I have to. But I started thinking about this. I didn't get a cell phone until my junior year of high school. (2008) Yeah sure a few years have passed, but I functioned perfectly then! I had just moved here so I didn't really have any friends to text or anything. So I had a completely normal life without a cell phone. I think I can manage not having an iphone. I'm not going to lie, it's going to suck. But I've got to do it. I want to be as independent as possible even if it means me sacrificing a luxury.

Struggling with style

I wish I could find myself style wise! I really like black and grey. (like the pictures below) Most of my clothes now are black and grey, but aren't really like what the girls are wearing. I wish I knew if I wanted more of a variety (color, patterns) or not.

I'm mostly confused about my hair. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm unsure. Part of me wants to grow out all my layers and dye it a brown color. Another part of me wants it be redish and have lots of layers. I just can't decide! I feel like it looks more classy and feminine being long and brown. I guess I can try it and if I don't like it, I can cut it. I just don't know! ugh..

 

 

I think what I may do it grow out my layers, but keep my bangs somewhat short. Like the picture below. I don't know about the color yet. For the style, I for the most part already know what I like, it's just if I should anything outside of what I already like since what I do like is somewhat boring.

Not really sure

I haven't been thinking about getting rid of stuff lately. I don't know if I'm getting bored with it or what. Lately when I've been in my room alone I just feel like sad or lonely or something. I'm tired of looking at the same stuff. I'm tired of not feeling satisfied. I honestly don't know what would make me satisfied. I thought it was getting rid of everything. But I've got down to what I'm comfortable with and still am not satisfied. I can't decide if getting rid of things would make me happier or buying a couple things. I just hate how obsessed I am with it! How do I stop obsessing? I like living with less, but I really hate obsessing over it.

I wonder if I should stop reading about minimalism? That might help. When I read things it makes me feel like I need to live my life the way someone else is. ex. Don't buy anything, don't replace things just because you're bored with it, be eco friendly all the time, be able to fit all your clothes in a suitcase. Pressure. I need to do what makes me happy! Sadly, I'm not exactly sure what that is. Sometimes I'll buy something then a month later I won't want it anymore. Lately what I've been wanting to do is like go winter clothes shopping. Go to the mall, replace my crappy jackets for a good one, buy some jeans that don't have holes in them, drink something from starbucks, bundle up in a scarf. Sadly I have no money. I wouldn't buy jeans from the mall anyway. I love plato's closet.

I don't want to buy a lot of things. Just a couple. It's nice to do that every once in a while. I feel like I need some patterned shirts or something. All my clothes are either black, white, or grey. But whenever I feel the need to buy something it's always clothes. If it were other things I'd be a little worried.

Well then I started thinking about decor. Not that I'm going to do anything, I'm just thinking. Lately here the weather has been cooler. Daniel's mom kindly put a blanket in my room for me incase I got cold at night. It was this mostly pink, with a lot of other colors quilt. Very bright in my drab room. For some reason I actually kind of liked it. It got me thinking. Maybe I should add some color to my room. I love black and white but maybe I'm longing for color? I've been browsing while writing this and found something I like!

It's from Ikea and it's only $50! I kinda wish it had some orange in it though since that's kinda my color. I almost feel like I've overkilled myself on white. I like it still. It's just not as satisfying as it was. I tend to overkill myself on things I like. I really wish I didn't do that.

Wishlist

So I have a pinterest account here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/

I made a board of things that, out of everything, I really love. Here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/wishlist/
I really like it :)

^><^

Man I need my ends cut so bad on my hair! It's really bad. I can't do it myself, because it won't be straight. It's been bothering me lately. I really want my hair to be long though. This is what always happens. I try to grow my hair out, the ends get really bad, so I go to get them cut. I ask for 1/2 an inch, they cut off 2. Then it takes for ever to grow back. Not cool. I think the top part of my hair is in somewhat need of a trim too.

I was just thinking about this. Maybe next time when I dye my hair I'll dye it more of a strawberry red than a dark red. I haven't really done that. Not super light but lighter than what I have been doing, but not as intense. Idk just an idea. That's actually kind of similar to how it is now, but faded into a muted orangey color. It'd be easy to do with my freshly grown hair (sounds weird.) since it's light. I'm getting too sleepy to write.

Pursuit of Happiness

I was listening to "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi today and it just got me thinking about my life. Right now parts of it really suck. The good things are: I have a faithful, loving caring man; I have a roof over my head; I have a car that runs; I kind of have a job; I'm in decent health; I have a family that I at least think cares about me.  I am very thankful for these things. But every day I'm blinded by things that frustrate me. Sometimes I feel like I never have a break. My accounting class is completely ruling my life. If I'm not waking up early to drive to class, working to pay for gas to drive me to that class, or being helped by Daniel with my homework for that class, then I'm studying my butt off for the 1 test a week. It's really pathetic because I'm only working 4-6 hours a week. ALL of that money is going to gas for school or hygiene items that come up. That's it.

I just want this semester to be over with!!! I really feel like I won't be able to get a better job until this semester is over because of how much time I'm having to devote to this class. Also the other classes I have are in the middle of the day so I really can't work those days. The only days I can work are weekends and monday and wednesday. Right now the only days I'm working are the weekend. It REALLY sucks. That's when most people unwind. Nope not me. That's when I have to work.

I think I'd be perfectly happy with

a roll up futon for a bed and floor cushions instead of a couch. I'm not entirely sure but I have a feeling I would like it. I would atleast try it. I do know though that plopping on something big and cushiony after a long day is like nothing else. Man I just love emptyness! I can't get enough of it. Is it because it's so rare? Think about it: how long do rooms usually stay empty? Not very long. I just love moving into a new house and every room echos. I really hate clutter. It completely overwhelms me. It's like I just want to close my eyes and think "there's no place like an empty room" while clicking my heels. I love my classrooms at school, especially in the new building. There's desks, chairs, a teacher's table and that's it. There aren't any posters because so many different classes use the rooms. A lot of the rooms have big open windows too. It's a great learning environment.

...

I wonder if I were to box up all my possessions how much I would have. Not including furniture. I would imagine like 6 or 7 big storage bins worth. I have 3 storage bin things right now, 1 of keepsakes (diploma, trophy, yearbooks etc.), 1 with future type stuff (plastic bowls I got at walmart that are greyscale and plates, drawer organizer), 1 with art. I want to take a picture of a lot of the art and get rid of it because it's really not all that great. Not worth keeping a paper copy of. Besides those bins I don't have much. Clothes winter and summer, shoes, beauty products, sketchbooks, a small box of art supplies, my electronics and media that go along with it, bags, a little bit of office supplies, important documents, some decor, that's about it. I guess I really don't have that much. Those bins are throwing it for me. I really shouldn't be keeping those future type things, but I couldn't resist because I really liked them. And I wanted them before I bought them, then they went on sale. I wish we would've been able to buy cups too but they didn't have any. If we don't use them or end up not liking them I can always donate them.

I'm so scared that when we get married everyone is going to A) give us ugly hand me downs or B) buy stuff assuming we will like it because they like it. Honestly I really don't want people to give us much when we get married. We're both really picky. Me more so than Daniel though. Appliances are really the only think I want. Not even that many. A coffee maker maybe, a rice cooker, blender, toaster. I can't think of anything being useful besides that. Also cooking spoons and spatulas would be nice. But even those me and Daniel want something specific (bright colors). I kind of hate how picky and specific I am. I just know what I like.

I'm realizing I'm really not a gift kind of person. The last 3 or 4 Christmases all I've gotten from my parents was a desk, a chair for that desk, a heater for my room, a big flat screen tv, a media shelf thing, a blu ray player, an ipod nano, a straightener, a nice abercrombie jacket (from ebay for like $70, pretty good deal). I really don't get anything extra. Yes these are all really nice things. And they've all survived my minimalist twister. However, now I'm getting to the point where I have everything I need. Now I'm becoming a gift card kind of person. I actually really like gift cards. I can use them for make up, beauty products, clothes, cheap jewelry. Sure they're impersonal. But I'm inpersonal. I hate to be that way, but completely honestly if I don't like something I won't use it. None of us do. I know it puts people in a weird position though because everyone is so accustomed to buying things for people. I can't wait til I'm 21 so I can tell people to just buy me a six pack or something lol. I'm definitely a consumables kind of person. I'd much rather get a bottle of local hot sauce when you go out of town than a flip flop key chain with a location printed on it.

I've been thinking about minimalism and marriage. Daniel specifically. And trying to think of how everything is going to play out when we move in to our own place. I've realized that Daniel is actually pretty minimal. Besides his computer and music stuff. Which is his hobby so I don't mind. I wish he'd get rid of some of his older computer equipment though. Stuff I know he won't use. But that's really my only complaint. He really doesn't have many clothes. That's probably a guy thing though. Also he doesn't get attached to things as easily as some people. Me included. I've watched him just toss t-shirts with no regrets. That probably shouldn't be a turn on but it is. lol. He really doesn't buy much either. Just stuff to improve things he already has. Also he tends to sell stuff that just lays around. So I think everything will be ok in the minimalist aspect.

Is there a "there"?

There may not be. Some people believe minimalism is never ending. I guess they're probably right. I need to realize this. I shouldn't beat myself up all the time for not being as minimal as some people are. I need to stop worrying about getting to my most minimal amount of possessions. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to get rid of things. I just am going to try to stop being upset when I look around and see that my room still has things that could be gone. I think one thing that's throwing it off is furniture. Almost all of my furniture is barely being used. Besides my dresser. My desk is seriously a joke. I like the look of it, but it barely has anything in it and I almost never even sit at it. My tv stand only has my tv, xbox, blu ray player (which I don't use), ihome and a elephant bank on it. I actually don't really use any of that stuff (besides my ihome). But I'm not getting rid of any of it. I would consider selling my blu ray player but idk. So anyway I'm going to take that off of my list of my "fantasy self".

So little by little I guess. I really do wish I could just suck it up, and decide whether I want to keep something or not. I'm not even sure what it is I want to get rid of. Maybe I do. Some clothes, I want all my stuff scanned and typed, my nail polish bothers me. I have like 6 colors. Some purses maybe, JEWELRY. I don't have much but it really weighs on me. Probably because I don't wear it. I'll figure it out.

What is better for maintaining a minimalist lifestyle

Is it better to get rid of all of your belongings within 30 days or slowly get rid of things piece by piece? Perhaps it's more fulfilling to get rid of everything within 30 days. But I think it's more realistic and likely to stick if you do it slowly over a longer period of time. It's taken me about 2 years to get where I am. I also don't have a household of possessions like a lot of beginning minimalists do. I'm only 20 I haven't had the chance to accumulate that much. And yet it's still taken me this long. I still am not super minimal but comfortable. I would still like to have less. However I use everything I have. I know I have clothes that I don't wear or don't want. It's so hard though with no replacements! Now I want to go through my stuff. However I'm at school with Daniel. I won't really have a chance to until Sunday.

:)

Lots of good stuff going on :) I don't think I'm gonna go into great detail, but my mom got that house for sure!! It's not closed yet! But what I'm also excited about it that my mom has been a LOT better. She's actually been really enjoyable to be around! the last 3 times or so I went over there she hasn't been complaining much at all! She's been joking around with me a lot and actually asking how I'm doing. It's been really great and has made me really, really happy. I think this is due to 2 things. 1) She's taking a new medicine now 2) she has the house now. I've really been happy about that, because I was really upset about how she was acting before. Her memory still isn't great and she still interrupts, but she doesn't interrupt as much and the her good mood makes up for not remembering anything I tell her.

Also I brought those boxes to my moms! I was just gonna let her go through it then I would donate the rest, but she wants my sister to go through the stuff but she wasn't there. So I just left it there. There really wasn't much. Plus it's such a small amount that I don't really care that it's over there, because I know they're gonna have the garage sale now since they got the house. So that stuff is gone! :D

Also something that's kind of dumb that I'm happy about is I bought this new shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Stuff I've been wanting to try for a while. The body wash is the mint and rosemary one from Burt's Bees (like $8). I like it. Body washes aren't really that exciting. lol. But it doesn't lather much. It's actually kind of nice that it doesn't. I like the scent. The shampoo and conditioner are from Organix. It's the cherry blossom scent. Normally they're $7 or $8 a bottle but at target they were having a sale for $4.88 each. I hope they don't stop carrying it :( Because there were barely any left. However I know wal-mart carries it and in more scents (they all smell realllly good). I actually really like it. It obviously doesn't lather much (no sulfates) but it left my hair feeling really clean, soft, and nice. It dried quicker too. I finally found a shampoo I want to stick with! That's big for me since I try a new kind every time I buy some. It kind of sucks it's so expensive, but I really want to only buy better products (no sulfates or parabens). So I'm meeting that goal! :)

I'm trying to use physicians formula make up. (I have really sensitive skin) I want to replace my mascara, liquid eyeliner, and pencil eyeliner as they run out. My liquid is about to run out so I'll probably replace that one first. They have this like felt tip thing that isn't liquid eyeliner but it's basically the same thing. Then mascara after that once I get money whether it's out or not. I've had it for probably 6 months. (I know you're supposed to replace your mascara every so often). But I'm gonna wait for my pencil to run out. I know it may seem like I want expensive products when I'm trying to save money, but I'm tired of using crap and not being happy! I don't want to settle! I'm working hard to stop settling. I'd rather spend $20 on shampoo and conditoner that I want than $8 on stuff that's crap. Since I really don't buy much, I treat myself to these things that I know I'll use.

My eye shadows are where I'm more lenient. I want a variety. I really don't like different color liners and mascaras. Just black. I'm only using (physicians formula) powder and PF concealer right now for my face. But I don't use
blush, primer, foundation, bronzer, or anything like that. I actually kind of want another PF concealer though. The one I have a green one now for redness. I need a skin colored one to go over that since the green is kinda hard to cover. So I got my powder, concealer, 1 liquid eyeliner, 1 pencil eyeliner, and 1 mascara. Where I play it up is eyeshadows. I have 1 almay quad (for blue eyes), 1 maybelline quad (browns), and 2 maybelline duos (the ones I just bought and wrote about). That's good for now. I can't think of any other colors I must have. I've kind of been wanting to dry some more baked and golden colors. But I'll wait for that. I don't wear any lipgloss or lipstick. I just have an EOS chapstick and that's it. If I could find the right color I'd probably wear it, but I don't want to waste money on products I may not like or use.

Keepsakes

I have what feels like a lot of keep sakes. This is kind of a weird thing because these things are irreplaceable. Some stuff I could probably let go, but I don't know about most of it. I'd like to reduce it by atleast 1/4. A lot of the things are things that only remind me of something I did in my life. Since I was younger I felt like I would forget my past so I started journaling and keeping keepsakes. And I can't deny that I'm glad I did, because many times I've been through those things and I actually had completely forgotten that that particular thing had happened. But for example, I have a lot of pokemon cards. I'm sure they're not worth anything, but they were a big part of my growing up. I could only keep a few but idk. It wouldn't be that bad, but a lot of my keepsakes are big. Prom dress, graduation gown, graduation cap, a big stuffed frog that my passed grandma gave to me, a trophy. I also have a lot of small things too. That's really what I'm talking about. Those will probably be my very last things to go through. I've been through the things a few times, but I'm nowhere near satisfied.

My fantasy self edited

So a couple weeks ago I wrote a post about our "fantasy selves". I had a class the other day (PE) and my teacher told us to set goals, and when setting goals, don't be vague. Eat better is very vague. I realized I need to do this with my fantasy self or else I will never get there. What I strike through is what I've accomplished. So here it goes:

- have all my diary entries from growing up typed up and papers disposed of
- scan all papers I can
- not have as many keepsakes/find a solution for them

- eat more vegetables
- stop eating out of vending machines
- not drink soda/drink more water
- do yoga 2-3 times a week
- drink tea 3-4 times a week
- try 1 new recipe a month
- weigh between 105-110
- brush my teeth at night, floss, and use mouthwash

- straighten my hair every day 
- take biotin daily and once my hair length goal is met trim frequently

- have a best friend
- find a creative outlet
- not be afraid to take care of things (make phone calls, set up appointments, etc.)
  ( I feel like I've met this one for the most part. Sometimes there's a call I need to make I'm anxious about, but  generally I feel this is met)
- read 1 book a month
- remain calm in stressful situations

- get my feather tattoo
- have a nice wardrobe
(I decided I like what I have. I'd still like to add a little, but what I have now is good.)

So there's my list. Somewhat more condensed. More to the point and achievable.

Feeling content

As of right now I feel mostly content. I still need more clothes, but in the past week or so I've bought 4 shirts (2 thrifted, 2 plato's closet). I'd say it cost me about $20 for all of them. I was pleasantly surprised. The two shirts I got from the thrift store (without looking at the tag initally) were american eagle and old navy. They're in style too. That was definitely the reason I was not so willing to give up those other shirts I wasn't sure about. As soon as I washed the new shirts and hung them up, I took out about 3 or 4 of the other ones I didn't really want, without feeling any regret. I also bought 2 eye shadows last night. I bought 1 for an eyebrow color and one as a treat to myself. it may seem like I'm spending a lot, but it really wasn't all that much. I also don't feel any guilt. I really needed the shirts. I really wanted the eyebrow shadow stuff. I've already wrote on here I'm very self-conscious of my eyebrows. The only color I had that kind of worked was wayyy too dark. Also the 2 eye shadows together came out to $8.99 exactly. They were maybelline. I got sunkissed olive and brown tones (eyebrows).

So yeah. I actually don't even like maybelline very much. Their eye shadows aren't very pigmented. They're just cheap. Also the one I got for my eyebrows was the only color that even came close (out of all the brands) that wasn't super shimmery and at a decent price. But I'm actually happy with it for my eyebrows. I'm mostly happy with it for the olive colors but I was in a hurry so I didn't get to thoroughly test it.

Anyway I'm getting to a good place as far as possessions go and it feels really nice. I have a box of clothes that I don't want anymore (the one I've mentioned previously). I feel like I still need to add a few things. Then I'll take it to my mom's and let my sis and her go through it. Then I'm just gonna take it to one of those drop off shed things they have at wal mart and such. (Since it will be mostly clothes). The box is already full but I don't want to take it just yet. I'd rather wait until I have more. Jewelry is still one place I'm really, really stumped at. I don't wear most of it, but I don't want to get rid of it because I'll feel like I'll use it. But I haven't. I have like 3 teal necklaces. One is buddha, one is like a tear drop shaped stone and the other is like a rounded triangle but it's probably about 2 inches wide. Then I have this red O necklace. It literally like a overstock.com logo. It's kind of nice and was hand crafted, but I don't wear it. I used to like red, but now I don't wear it. I don't have anything that would even match with. I feel like I'll regret getting rid of it, but idk. I think I will get rid of that one for sure.

One day I'll be there. Maybe I won't who knows? It's supposed to be about the journey (lifewise anyway), but idk. I'd kinda just rather be done with it. Sure I could stop, but I wouldn't be done.

I've been doing a lot of "pinning" lately on my pinterest account. Lots of nice design eye candy. It's kind of like my inspiration board. It guides me for what I want to do fashion wise and decor wise. I really love that website, I just wish it ran better. It has A LOT of problems in that department. Also it never updates properly. For example it says I have like around 100 or 200 "likes" and I have like 0-2. It's really annoying. Anyway just thought I'd share that!

Hair

Sometimes my hair really frustrates me! It seems I am never happy! A few days ago I dyed my hair a deep red color. I couldn't decide if I wanted red hair or brown. I don't want dark even though it probably suites me the best. It's just too hard to change! the two styles I either want are cut like my hair is now (lots of layers short bangs and red) probably lighter red though, or a medium brown with my hair mostly grown out. I feel like that would be more mature and classy. Whenever you see models, especially for like forever 21, abercrombie, the girls hair is always fairly simple. A natural color almost always one length. But they're two extremes. I think I may do my hair brown when this fades. I can just never get the color right. Especially since most of my hair doesn't take to the dye (because it's too dark). It's like the grass is always greener on the other side. I know if I were to start growing my hair out I'd get bored. Then a little part of me has thought of going natural, but I don't know about that. I really need my longest layer trimmed. It looks kinda crazy and I know it has a lot of dead ends. I'd probably wait until my hair grew out more though because I know a hair dresser would say crap about the way I cut my hair because there's really no rhyme or reason to it. I guess we'll see what happens.

Box stuff

I ended up going through the stuff that was in that box again. I ended up deciding that I want to get rid of most of the stuff I was unsure about. I think my sister and mom will want a lot of it though. Which is good. (I don't mind if they take clothes.) I'm proud of myself for being ready to get rid of those though. It's becoming more and more easy to let go of things. I'm very happy about that. I really don't want to be attached to items. But that's very difficult. I never want to get rid of anything sentimental, I'm not that extreme. That's just taking it too far.

<minimalist rant>In my lit and film class we had to read grapes of wrath. I didn't exactly do that, but spark noted it. (that's very unlike me but the book is close to 500 pages). It's about the dust bowl and the great depression. Similar to what's going on now. I understand those people in the great depression holding on to things. It wasn't their choice to have to lose all of their possessions like it is a minimalists choice. That can be a lot more scarring. Today, many people were/are living above their means. I do not feel bad for a lot of them. The people stacked in credit card debt I feel no pity for. The people who lost their jobs and can't afford to buy their kids new school clothes, I do feel bad for them. A minimalists dream is that everyone would be a minimalist, but that's highly unrealistic, and probably bad for the economy. I just hate seeing people who feel like it's the end of the world that they may have to live in a 1,200 sq ft home instead of their 3,000 sq ft home. And yes I know there's more to it (not being able to sell the house) but for the people that it is realistic for, I wish they'd get over themselves and stop destroying their families over possessions (high credit card debt, unable to pay it off). Is it really worth your family? To me it's just idiotic. Society killed our economy. </minimalist rant>

I just wish more people would open their eyes to the beauty of minimalism. When you're on your death bed are you going to remember that designer hand bag you had or the family camping trip when it rained the whole time but you made the best of it? Live for memories and experiences not possessions.

I know it may seem like I focus on possessions a lot, and I do. I just don't have much going on right now.

Phone

So I don't know if I've mentioned this in the past, but I want to be financially independent from my mom. In this situation getting off her phone line. Right now I have an iPhone 4. I will be going on to Daniel's line. For odd reasons he has the most basic phone line on his plan right now and it isn't being used. I'll go on that one. I'm going to switch phones to a very basic old phone. I really don't have the money for even the most basic iPhone plan. It's going to be a big challenge making the switch. I'm mostly worried about not having internet. I use that all the time to look stuff up. A lot of the time important stuff. I have a gps so I'm good in that department. So yesterday when I went to drop off my sister (we went to see a movie) I went in to see my mom. She looked really rough. Like she really doesn't care about anything anymore. She was even smoking in the house. We've had that house since 2007 and she's never smoked in it. So we were on the search for this certain old basic phone. Eventually I realized the broken pieces in the drawer that resembled a phone were that phone. So I grabbed this other one that was in there. I hope it works. I only have a car charger so I'm going to charge it on the way to school.

When I was about to leave I told my mom like 3 times I was going to leave and she didn't even listen to me. The third time she finally was paying attention to me. When I was on my way out she asked why I was switching and maybe I should just not use the data plan on my iphone (and stay on their line). I told her there was no way to do that because it's so connected to the internet. Then I told her I was going off of her plan because she acted like they really couldn't handle it. Then she just walked away upset so I left. I mean what the hell?? She tells me all the time the phone bill is like $300. I don't want to be reliant on her. I know she's having a hard time with me moving out, but maybe she should talk to me or call me sometimes instead of wanting me to stay on her phone line that she complains about me not paying my part. I'm growing up. It makes me really sad how she's handling this. I honestly feel like she doesn't care about me. She's upset about the idea that she's down a kid. She doesn't think about me. It really makes me sad. I mean when I go over there I honestly feel like the adult and I have it together more than she does. I mean she really hasn't been present in a lot of my life. My entire life she's either worked, complained about life, cleaned, and then recently gone to apple bees every night. Maybe she should've tried harder to be in my life. I understand the working part. But if she disciplined us the house wouldn't look at nearly bad as it does. She really does it to herself though. I've told her TONS of times to take stuff away (phone, computer, whatever) but she never does. So like I've said before I'm done helping her. She wouldn't take advice from me if I was on my death bed. That's just how she is. Sometimes I don't even know if there's a person in there.

Why do we hold onto things we don't necessarily like?

I'm kind of struggling with that now. It's a very annoying feeling. I went through the clothes I brought over and there was about half I somewhat reluctantly put in a box to get rid of. The other half I couldn't decide on. I know none of the things were the style I was going for. I just know I've worn them a lot in the past and they've been helpful. Perhaps too much because some of the things had that deodorant issue I've mentioned before. I know they're weighing on me to get rid of them, but it's hard. I don't love the pieces. I don't even necessarily feel good in them. I'll probably get rid of them. I need to analyze my clothes and think:

1. does it fit will
2. is it damaged (aka deo)
3. is it the style I'm looking for
4. do I feel good in it

If I answered no to any of those questions then I probably shouldn't keep it. Why is it so hard to let go? I think if I had a $100 gift card to buy clothes my story would be a little different. I just realized why it's hard. Because I don't know if and when I'll be able to replace the item. I'm struggling right now financially. All the money I'm making is going straight to gas. Man I need clothes so bad!! All the clothes I wear normally are starting to get the deodorant problem! oh well. Hopefully the money will start to catch up soon.

It's all done! :D

I finally got all my stuff to goodwill!!!! I brought what was left over here (of stuff I either want or unsure about) about an hour ago. It's actually in my car I haven't unloaded it yet. It feels good, but at the same time doesn't feel any different. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet. I don't think it will hit me until my family moves. There's still a couple things at the other house, but nothing I want. My computer chair, a t shirt my aunt gave me thats way too big that has the name of her and my moms high school on it, a small empty plastic container and my direct tv box. There's also some stuff that I definitely want to sell at the garage sale. A stereo, cd player, playstation 1 and a big framed jimi hendrix print. That reminds me I actually have the games here and need to bring them back over there. I guess I don't feel right cause I brought over some stuff that was in the pile to go to goodwill. I also brought over a bursting full box of clothes that I don't really love, but feel like I could use cause I'm kinda desperate for clothes. I know about 3/4 of the stuff I brought over will probably go to goodwill, I just need more time with it. I'm ok with that. I guess I can finally call myself a minimalist now! Maybe. lol. I'm a minimalist, just not an extreme one. I practice having only what I use and love. I'm really glad it's all finally gone!!!! This has been weighing on me since I started this blog! It's definitely something to celebrate! I'm proud of myself for coming this far. That's another reason I know it's not just a fad for myself (not that I ever thought it was). Because I've been doing this for about 2 years now and haven't changed my mind. A lot of people get rid of things very suddenly. I was different from most minimalists in that way. I needed to carefully analyze each and every item. Well just thought I should share that.

Goodwill

I FINALLY started taking the crap at my old house to the goodwill! I probably brought about 1/3 - 1/2 of it! It makes me really happy! I won't be completely satisfied though until it's all gone. Of course my mom wanted to go through the stuff I was bringing (she REALLY didn't need to). I asked my sister and she took a few shirts. I gave my mom a hard time about the stuff she took, but whatever. Maybe I can go again tomorrow! I hope I can. The biggest thing is getting Daniel to take me. I don't think he minds but he's not going to want to go out there 3 days in a row. Oh yeah I'm not taking my stereo or my playstation 1. I figure I may be able to make a little off of those. At least my stereo. I'm so happy! :)

By getting rid of all this stuff I'm sort of starting fresh. Not buying things I don't need or won't use, or plan on using then don't. No more random decorations from the thrift store (although I've been out of that for a while). That's what a lot of that stuff is though is crap I've bought from thrift stores. For some reason I was really into that. My sister never really got into buying stuff from thrift stores except clothes. I actually kind of miss going to the thrift stores with my mom though. It was one of my favorite things I did when I was younger. We would go shop then eat at some sort of chinese buffet or something. It's funny the kinds of traditions people have. Anyway, the experience was fun, but I know where that road takes me: accumulation of crap. (I honestly don't even find things I like at thrift stores anymore.)

Man I wish I could finish doing that today, but I have work. Also the thrift stores are about 15 minutes away. Oh well. I'll just have to be patient.

Stuff

So I just started thinking about it and I think I want to donate all that crap at the other house. A lot of complicated stuff happened that I didn't blog about because it was changing on a day to day basis. But my parents didn't end up moving into that one house. Just a lot of problems with it. Now they put in their third contract I believe on a different house. This one should be the real deal. Anyway! My stuff is still sitting at that house in my old room. Yeah they're probably going to have a garage sale soon and I should probably wait. But honestly I'm tired of waiting! I want all that stuff gone! I'm going to donate it about 4 or 5 boxes at a time. It should only take 3 or 4 trips. Another reason I don't feel like waiting is because we're going to have to help my parents move and they have soooooooooooooo much crap! It's going to be so so hard to distinguish what money is mine and keep track of everything. It's just not even worth the $20 I'd be making. I'd rather just get rid of it. A lot of it is thrift store junk anyway. I'm excited to get that weight off me. I wish I could start tomorrow but I have a lot of school stuff to do tomorrow. Maybe I'll want to stop going through the stuff I have here once that other crap is gone. Probably not, but who knows. I'm ready to do it.

My fantasy self

Francine aka Miss Minimalist spoke about the idea of one's fantasy self. She wanted people to compare people's fantasy selves to the way they actually are. Pretty much don't buy expensive china if you never have get togethers. Or don't buy a yoga mat and work out gear if you never have enough time to work out. Things along that nature. I wanted to kind of look at a different aspect of it so see how far off I am from being my fantasy self. My fantasy self would:

1. Probably have dark red hair without worrying about my job
2. Have straight hair every day
3. be a minimalist without obsessing
4. maybe have atleast 1 tattoo
5. weigh between 105-110
6. not drink soda
7. have longer hair
8. have healthier hair
9. have the perfect cosmetics and beauty products without needing to "use anything up"/use healthier products without sulfates and parabens
10. have all my diary entries from growing up typed up and papers disposed of
11. scan all papers I can
12. eat less pasta and more vegetables
13. have more friends
14. have more hobbies
15. be more creative
16. not be afraid to take care of things (make phone calls, set up appointments, etc.)
17. have a nice wardrobe
         lots of scarves
         lots of skinny jeans
         loose fitting, baggy shirts
         layering pieces
         maybe a leather jacket
         some dressy clothes 
18. do yoga on a regular basis
19. drink more tea
20. learn more about tea
21. experiment more with cooking
22. maybe read more
23. not be so anxious
24. eat less salty foods
25. be happy with my room
26. take better care of my teeth
27. not have as many keepsakes/find a solution for them

That's about all I got for now. So do I work to be more like my fantasy self or accept who I am? What I want to be really isn't very farfetched so maybe I'll try to become my fantasy self.

Bored

Not too much going on lately. I haven't really been doing anything the last few hours besides pinterest. There's not much to do these days besides school and work. I feel like everything in suwanee has been done. I wish I lived in the city. I feel like there would be a lot out there for my life style.

Lately I've really been wanting a place of my own (with daniel of course). Pretty much just start my life. I want to be independent of everyone besides Daniel. I want to be equal with him.

I want to buy my own dishes. Be able to wake up next to him. I want to have the financial ability to start my life. I want to budget my money (first I need an income).

I've been in the christmas mood lately. We went to hobby lobby today and I was admiring all the ornaments. Daniel and I were talking I suggested the idea of having two christmas trees. One big one to be decorated in silver, black and maybe white. And then a smaller christmas tree for our kids when we have them. I think kids would like that and we get to keep the look of a nice christmas tree. He actually really liked the idea. I know it seems selfish, but oh well. lol. But the ornaments were so pretty! They're up year round. I don't feel like writing anymore lol.