:/

I slept in too late and now I'm not sleepy. I don't why I always feel some sort of sadness when I fall asleep before Daniel. Right now I'm reflecting. My mom is leaving for truck driving school on the 12th. I'm going to miss her. I really hope she doesn't have to stay out long. I don't want to get into details, but she has to do it to pay the bills.

I get really sad when I think about my mom. I feel like she's had a very unfulfilled life of cleaning up after dogs, kids that don't respect her, and yelling. But then I also think that she can't be helped, because she doesn't want to. At least not enough. They have 4 dogs, 2 cats, 4 chameleons, 2 bearded dragons, 2 ferrets, a salt water fish tank, a freshwater fish tank and until recently a bunch of red eye tree frogs (that died because she wasn't properly caring for them). She's had various frogs in the last few months that some have died and I don't know what happened to the rest of them whether she still has them or not. Dogs are constantly going to the bathroom everywhere. She obviously can't handle the pets and definitely not the kids. She complains about my brother and sister but doesn't do anything to change it. I've told her COUNTLESS times to discipline them, but she won't! I don't understand why. I would really like to help, but I can't because she's not ready. She hasn't accepted she has a problem yet. She thinks she can handle it, but she obviously can't.

I miss my mom. She hasn't been the same for a very long time. I think it started when we moved from Louisiana to here. I'm getting depressed just thinking about it. My mom called me yesterday when I was at medieval times like she just wanted to talk. That's never happened. I wasn't all that busy because I was waiting for the show to start. But for some reason I just blew her off. I couldn't explain it. I just didn't feel like talking to her. It makes me sad now that I didn't. Who knows she probably wanted something from me, but I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt. I kind of blew her off earlier that day too. I had to get something notarized for her and I kept telling her I had to go. I literally did like 5 times. That was when I was leaving to do it. When I went back I wanted to go with my sister out to eat and my mom was trying to keep me again. We eventually left. When we went to drop my sister back off I didn't go in. I think I'm just tired of all the depressing stuff she talks about. Some of it she can help and some of it she can't. It just gets old after a while. I just associate my mom with depressingness and chaoticness. She won't even leave the house!! That really annoys me. She makes everyone go grocery shopping for her, buy her cigarettes, buy crickets for her reptiles. I'm kind of glad she's going out on the road. Maybe it will clear her head a little bit. I guess my brother and sister will be looking after the house (scary). I thought about moving in while she was gone, but I couldn't deal with it.


I should probably head to sleep.