Keepsakes

I have what feels like a lot of keep sakes. This is kind of a weird thing because these things are irreplaceable. Some stuff I could probably let go, but I don't know about most of it. I'd like to reduce it by atleast 1/4. A lot of the things are things that only remind me of something I did in my life. Since I was younger I felt like I would forget my past so I started journaling and keeping keepsakes. And I can't deny that I'm glad I did, because many times I've been through those things and I actually had completely forgotten that that particular thing had happened. But for example, I have a lot of pokemon cards. I'm sure they're not worth anything, but they were a big part of my growing up. I could only keep a few but idk. It wouldn't be that bad, but a lot of my keepsakes are big. Prom dress, graduation gown, graduation cap, a big stuffed frog that my passed grandma gave to me, a trophy. I also have a lot of small things too. That's really what I'm talking about. Those will probably be my very last things to go through. I've been through the things a few times, but I'm nowhere near satisfied.

My fantasy self edited

So a couple weeks ago I wrote a post about our "fantasy selves". I had a class the other day (PE) and my teacher told us to set goals, and when setting goals, don't be vague. Eat better is very vague. I realized I need to do this with my fantasy self or else I will never get there. What I strike through is what I've accomplished. So here it goes:

- have all my diary entries from growing up typed up and papers disposed of
- scan all papers I can
- not have as many keepsakes/find a solution for them

- eat more vegetables
- stop eating out of vending machines
- not drink soda/drink more water
- do yoga 2-3 times a week
- drink tea 3-4 times a week
- try 1 new recipe a month
- weigh between 105-110
- brush my teeth at night, floss, and use mouthwash

- straighten my hair every day 
- take biotin daily and once my hair length goal is met trim frequently

- have a best friend
- find a creative outlet
- not be afraid to take care of things (make phone calls, set up appointments, etc.)
  ( I feel like I've met this one for the most part. Sometimes there's a call I need to make I'm anxious about, but  generally I feel this is met)
- read 1 book a month
- remain calm in stressful situations

- get my feather tattoo
- have a nice wardrobe
(I decided I like what I have. I'd still like to add a little, but what I have now is good.)

So there's my list. Somewhat more condensed. More to the point and achievable.

Feeling content

As of right now I feel mostly content. I still need more clothes, but in the past week or so I've bought 4 shirts (2 thrifted, 2 plato's closet). I'd say it cost me about $20 for all of them. I was pleasantly surprised. The two shirts I got from the thrift store (without looking at the tag initally) were american eagle and old navy. They're in style too. That was definitely the reason I was not so willing to give up those other shirts I wasn't sure about. As soon as I washed the new shirts and hung them up, I took out about 3 or 4 of the other ones I didn't really want, without feeling any regret. I also bought 2 eye shadows last night. I bought 1 for an eyebrow color and one as a treat to myself. it may seem like I'm spending a lot, but it really wasn't all that much. I also don't feel any guilt. I really needed the shirts. I really wanted the eyebrow shadow stuff. I've already wrote on here I'm very self-conscious of my eyebrows. The only color I had that kind of worked was wayyy too dark. Also the 2 eye shadows together came out to $8.99 exactly. They were maybelline. I got sunkissed olive and brown tones (eyebrows).

So yeah. I actually don't even like maybelline very much. Their eye shadows aren't very pigmented. They're just cheap. Also the one I got for my eyebrows was the only color that even came close (out of all the brands) that wasn't super shimmery and at a decent price. But I'm actually happy with it for my eyebrows. I'm mostly happy with it for the olive colors but I was in a hurry so I didn't get to thoroughly test it.

Anyway I'm getting to a good place as far as possessions go and it feels really nice. I have a box of clothes that I don't want anymore (the one I've mentioned previously). I feel like I still need to add a few things. Then I'll take it to my mom's and let my sis and her go through it. Then I'm just gonna take it to one of those drop off shed things they have at wal mart and such. (Since it will be mostly clothes). The box is already full but I don't want to take it just yet. I'd rather wait until I have more. Jewelry is still one place I'm really, really stumped at. I don't wear most of it, but I don't want to get rid of it because I'll feel like I'll use it. But I haven't. I have like 3 teal necklaces. One is buddha, one is like a tear drop shaped stone and the other is like a rounded triangle but it's probably about 2 inches wide. Then I have this red O necklace. It literally like a overstock.com logo. It's kind of nice and was hand crafted, but I don't wear it. I used to like red, but now I don't wear it. I don't have anything that would even match with. I feel like I'll regret getting rid of it, but idk. I think I will get rid of that one for sure.

One day I'll be there. Maybe I won't who knows? It's supposed to be about the journey (lifewise anyway), but idk. I'd kinda just rather be done with it. Sure I could stop, but I wouldn't be done.

I've been doing a lot of "pinning" lately on my pinterest account. Lots of nice design eye candy. It's kind of like my inspiration board. It guides me for what I want to do fashion wise and decor wise. I really love that website, I just wish it ran better. It has A LOT of problems in that department. Also it never updates properly. For example it says I have like around 100 or 200 "likes" and I have like 0-2. It's really annoying. Anyway just thought I'd share that!

Hair

Sometimes my hair really frustrates me! It seems I am never happy! A few days ago I dyed my hair a deep red color. I couldn't decide if I wanted red hair or brown. I don't want dark even though it probably suites me the best. It's just too hard to change! the two styles I either want are cut like my hair is now (lots of layers short bangs and red) probably lighter red though, or a medium brown with my hair mostly grown out. I feel like that would be more mature and classy. Whenever you see models, especially for like forever 21, abercrombie, the girls hair is always fairly simple. A natural color almost always one length. But they're two extremes. I think I may do my hair brown when this fades. I can just never get the color right. Especially since most of my hair doesn't take to the dye (because it's too dark). It's like the grass is always greener on the other side. I know if I were to start growing my hair out I'd get bored. Then a little part of me has thought of going natural, but I don't know about that. I really need my longest layer trimmed. It looks kinda crazy and I know it has a lot of dead ends. I'd probably wait until my hair grew out more though because I know a hair dresser would say crap about the way I cut my hair because there's really no rhyme or reason to it. I guess we'll see what happens.

Box stuff

I ended up going through the stuff that was in that box again. I ended up deciding that I want to get rid of most of the stuff I was unsure about. I think my sister and mom will want a lot of it though. Which is good. (I don't mind if they take clothes.) I'm proud of myself for being ready to get rid of those though. It's becoming more and more easy to let go of things. I'm very happy about that. I really don't want to be attached to items. But that's very difficult. I never want to get rid of anything sentimental, I'm not that extreme. That's just taking it too far.

<minimalist rant>In my lit and film class we had to read grapes of wrath. I didn't exactly do that, but spark noted it. (that's very unlike me but the book is close to 500 pages). It's about the dust bowl and the great depression. Similar to what's going on now. I understand those people in the great depression holding on to things. It wasn't their choice to have to lose all of their possessions like it is a minimalists choice. That can be a lot more scarring. Today, many people were/are living above their means. I do not feel bad for a lot of them. The people stacked in credit card debt I feel no pity for. The people who lost their jobs and can't afford to buy their kids new school clothes, I do feel bad for them. A minimalists dream is that everyone would be a minimalist, but that's highly unrealistic, and probably bad for the economy. I just hate seeing people who feel like it's the end of the world that they may have to live in a 1,200 sq ft home instead of their 3,000 sq ft home. And yes I know there's more to it (not being able to sell the house) but for the people that it is realistic for, I wish they'd get over themselves and stop destroying their families over possessions (high credit card debt, unable to pay it off). Is it really worth your family? To me it's just idiotic. Society killed our economy. </minimalist rant>

I just wish more people would open their eyes to the beauty of minimalism. When you're on your death bed are you going to remember that designer hand bag you had or the family camping trip when it rained the whole time but you made the best of it? Live for memories and experiences not possessions.

I know it may seem like I focus on possessions a lot, and I do. I just don't have much going on right now.

Phone

So I don't know if I've mentioned this in the past, but I want to be financially independent from my mom. In this situation getting off her phone line. Right now I have an iPhone 4. I will be going on to Daniel's line. For odd reasons he has the most basic phone line on his plan right now and it isn't being used. I'll go on that one. I'm going to switch phones to a very basic old phone. I really don't have the money for even the most basic iPhone plan. It's going to be a big challenge making the switch. I'm mostly worried about not having internet. I use that all the time to look stuff up. A lot of the time important stuff. I have a gps so I'm good in that department. So yesterday when I went to drop off my sister (we went to see a movie) I went in to see my mom. She looked really rough. Like she really doesn't care about anything anymore. She was even smoking in the house. We've had that house since 2007 and she's never smoked in it. So we were on the search for this certain old basic phone. Eventually I realized the broken pieces in the drawer that resembled a phone were that phone. So I grabbed this other one that was in there. I hope it works. I only have a car charger so I'm going to charge it on the way to school.

When I was about to leave I told my mom like 3 times I was going to leave and she didn't even listen to me. The third time she finally was paying attention to me. When I was on my way out she asked why I was switching and maybe I should just not use the data plan on my iphone (and stay on their line). I told her there was no way to do that because it's so connected to the internet. Then I told her I was going off of her plan because she acted like they really couldn't handle it. Then she just walked away upset so I left. I mean what the hell?? She tells me all the time the phone bill is like $300. I don't want to be reliant on her. I know she's having a hard time with me moving out, but maybe she should talk to me or call me sometimes instead of wanting me to stay on her phone line that she complains about me not paying my part. I'm growing up. It makes me really sad how she's handling this. I honestly feel like she doesn't care about me. She's upset about the idea that she's down a kid. She doesn't think about me. It really makes me sad. I mean when I go over there I honestly feel like the adult and I have it together more than she does. I mean she really hasn't been present in a lot of my life. My entire life she's either worked, complained about life, cleaned, and then recently gone to apple bees every night. Maybe she should've tried harder to be in my life. I understand the working part. But if she disciplined us the house wouldn't look at nearly bad as it does. She really does it to herself though. I've told her TONS of times to take stuff away (phone, computer, whatever) but she never does. So like I've said before I'm done helping her. She wouldn't take advice from me if I was on my death bed. That's just how she is. Sometimes I don't even know if there's a person in there.

Why do we hold onto things we don't necessarily like?

I'm kind of struggling with that now. It's a very annoying feeling. I went through the clothes I brought over and there was about half I somewhat reluctantly put in a box to get rid of. The other half I couldn't decide on. I know none of the things were the style I was going for. I just know I've worn them a lot in the past and they've been helpful. Perhaps too much because some of the things had that deodorant issue I've mentioned before. I know they're weighing on me to get rid of them, but it's hard. I don't love the pieces. I don't even necessarily feel good in them. I'll probably get rid of them. I need to analyze my clothes and think:

1. does it fit will
2. is it damaged (aka deo)
3. is it the style I'm looking for
4. do I feel good in it

If I answered no to any of those questions then I probably shouldn't keep it. Why is it so hard to let go? I think if I had a $100 gift card to buy clothes my story would be a little different. I just realized why it's hard. Because I don't know if and when I'll be able to replace the item. I'm struggling right now financially. All the money I'm making is going straight to gas. Man I need clothes so bad!! All the clothes I wear normally are starting to get the deodorant problem! oh well. Hopefully the money will start to catch up soon.

It's all done! :D

I finally got all my stuff to goodwill!!!! I brought what was left over here (of stuff I either want or unsure about) about an hour ago. It's actually in my car I haven't unloaded it yet. It feels good, but at the same time doesn't feel any different. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet. I don't think it will hit me until my family moves. There's still a couple things at the other house, but nothing I want. My computer chair, a t shirt my aunt gave me thats way too big that has the name of her and my moms high school on it, a small empty plastic container and my direct tv box. There's also some stuff that I definitely want to sell at the garage sale. A stereo, cd player, playstation 1 and a big framed jimi hendrix print. That reminds me I actually have the games here and need to bring them back over there. I guess I don't feel right cause I brought over some stuff that was in the pile to go to goodwill. I also brought over a bursting full box of clothes that I don't really love, but feel like I could use cause I'm kinda desperate for clothes. I know about 3/4 of the stuff I brought over will probably go to goodwill, I just need more time with it. I'm ok with that. I guess I can finally call myself a minimalist now! Maybe. lol. I'm a minimalist, just not an extreme one. I practice having only what I use and love. I'm really glad it's all finally gone!!!! This has been weighing on me since I started this blog! It's definitely something to celebrate! I'm proud of myself for coming this far. That's another reason I know it's not just a fad for myself (not that I ever thought it was). Because I've been doing this for about 2 years now and haven't changed my mind. A lot of people get rid of things very suddenly. I was different from most minimalists in that way. I needed to carefully analyze each and every item. Well just thought I should share that.

Goodwill

I FINALLY started taking the crap at my old house to the goodwill! I probably brought about 1/3 - 1/2 of it! It makes me really happy! I won't be completely satisfied though until it's all gone. Of course my mom wanted to go through the stuff I was bringing (she REALLY didn't need to). I asked my sister and she took a few shirts. I gave my mom a hard time about the stuff she took, but whatever. Maybe I can go again tomorrow! I hope I can. The biggest thing is getting Daniel to take me. I don't think he minds but he's not going to want to go out there 3 days in a row. Oh yeah I'm not taking my stereo or my playstation 1. I figure I may be able to make a little off of those. At least my stereo. I'm so happy! :)

By getting rid of all this stuff I'm sort of starting fresh. Not buying things I don't need or won't use, or plan on using then don't. No more random decorations from the thrift store (although I've been out of that for a while). That's what a lot of that stuff is though is crap I've bought from thrift stores. For some reason I was really into that. My sister never really got into buying stuff from thrift stores except clothes. I actually kind of miss going to the thrift stores with my mom though. It was one of my favorite things I did when I was younger. We would go shop then eat at some sort of chinese buffet or something. It's funny the kinds of traditions people have. Anyway, the experience was fun, but I know where that road takes me: accumulation of crap. (I honestly don't even find things I like at thrift stores anymore.)

Man I wish I could finish doing that today, but I have work. Also the thrift stores are about 15 minutes away. Oh well. I'll just have to be patient.

Stuff

So I just started thinking about it and I think I want to donate all that crap at the other house. A lot of complicated stuff happened that I didn't blog about because it was changing on a day to day basis. But my parents didn't end up moving into that one house. Just a lot of problems with it. Now they put in their third contract I believe on a different house. This one should be the real deal. Anyway! My stuff is still sitting at that house in my old room. Yeah they're probably going to have a garage sale soon and I should probably wait. But honestly I'm tired of waiting! I want all that stuff gone! I'm going to donate it about 4 or 5 boxes at a time. It should only take 3 or 4 trips. Another reason I don't feel like waiting is because we're going to have to help my parents move and they have soooooooooooooo much crap! It's going to be so so hard to distinguish what money is mine and keep track of everything. It's just not even worth the $20 I'd be making. I'd rather just get rid of it. A lot of it is thrift store junk anyway. I'm excited to get that weight off me. I wish I could start tomorrow but I have a lot of school stuff to do tomorrow. Maybe I'll want to stop going through the stuff I have here once that other crap is gone. Probably not, but who knows. I'm ready to do it.

My fantasy self

Francine aka Miss Minimalist spoke about the idea of one's fantasy self. She wanted people to compare people's fantasy selves to the way they actually are. Pretty much don't buy expensive china if you never have get togethers. Or don't buy a yoga mat and work out gear if you never have enough time to work out. Things along that nature. I wanted to kind of look at a different aspect of it so see how far off I am from being my fantasy self. My fantasy self would:

1. Probably have dark red hair without worrying about my job
2. Have straight hair every day
3. be a minimalist without obsessing
4. maybe have atleast 1 tattoo
5. weigh between 105-110
6. not drink soda
7. have longer hair
8. have healthier hair
9. have the perfect cosmetics and beauty products without needing to "use anything up"/use healthier products without sulfates and parabens
10. have all my diary entries from growing up typed up and papers disposed of
11. scan all papers I can
12. eat less pasta and more vegetables
13. have more friends
14. have more hobbies
15. be more creative
16. not be afraid to take care of things (make phone calls, set up appointments, etc.)
17. have a nice wardrobe
         lots of scarves
         lots of skinny jeans
         loose fitting, baggy shirts
         layering pieces
         maybe a leather jacket
         some dressy clothes 
18. do yoga on a regular basis
19. drink more tea
20. learn more about tea
21. experiment more with cooking
22. maybe read more
23. not be so anxious
24. eat less salty foods
25. be happy with my room
26. take better care of my teeth
27. not have as many keepsakes/find a solution for them

That's about all I got for now. So do I work to be more like my fantasy self or accept who I am? What I want to be really isn't very farfetched so maybe I'll try to become my fantasy self.

Bored

Not too much going on lately. I haven't really been doing anything the last few hours besides pinterest. There's not much to do these days besides school and work. I feel like everything in suwanee has been done. I wish I lived in the city. I feel like there would be a lot out there for my life style.

Lately I've really been wanting a place of my own (with daniel of course). Pretty much just start my life. I want to be independent of everyone besides Daniel. I want to be equal with him.

I want to buy my own dishes. Be able to wake up next to him. I want to have the financial ability to start my life. I want to budget my money (first I need an income).

I've been in the christmas mood lately. We went to hobby lobby today and I was admiring all the ornaments. Daniel and I were talking I suggested the idea of having two christmas trees. One big one to be decorated in silver, black and maybe white. And then a smaller christmas tree for our kids when we have them. I think kids would like that and we get to keep the look of a nice christmas tree. He actually really liked the idea. I know it seems selfish, but oh well. lol. But the ornaments were so pretty! They're up year round. I don't feel like writing anymore lol.

I feel like writing

I don't really have anything to say though. I guess I'll come up with something. I rearranged some stuff in my room today. That was kind of fun. I wanted to move my bed and my desk, but daniel didn't think I should. Probably because he doesn't want to help me move it. Oh yeah I don't know if I've said this before but we are not sharing a bedroom. We won't be until we have our own place. So anyway I didn't end up moving that stuff. I have a feeling I'm going to in the future though. I have an awkward spot that needs filling in. I moved my dresser into my closet. Because the way it was before, my tv stand was in front of my window. I really don't like blocking windows. So now my tv stand is basically where my dresser was except caddy corner or whatever it's called.

I'll be honest even I'm bored with this post. It's probably best just to abandon it for now.