Venting pt. 2

Head's up: If you don't want to hear me whine, don't read this post.

So lately a lot of stressful stuff has been happening. It hurts me because most of it deals with my mom. My mom used to be my best friend. Somewhere along the way something happened. I feel like it happened when I turned 18. My mom just kind of cut me off. Before that I was already pretty much paying for all of my things for the most part. Once I turned 18, she stopped paying for everything short of my phone bill and car insurance. No clothes, toiletries, gas, (although she never paid for that cause I got my license when i was 18), hardly any food. It's hard to support yourself on a part-time income. She doesn't realize that.

I don't know if we're ever going to have a good relationship again. Sounds harsh, but it's probably true. I feel like she doesn't even care about me. All she cares about is the fact that I ask her for money. She never asks me how I'm doing or anything even remotely similar to that. She probably doesn't even have the slightest clue about what classes I'm taking this semester. She doesn't care. I don't think she's asked me once since I've started college 3 years ago how school is going. She's soaked up in her own world of suckyness and that's all she cares about. She's selfish. We all have are own problems.

Yesterday I went into my old job, sucked up my pride, and asked for my job back. A few hours ago my manager called me and told me that I can pick up some expo shifts. Kind of crappy shifts but right now anything is better than nothing. So I called my mom extremely excited. Was she happy? Nope. She complained that she gave me two crappy weekend shifts. That I'm getting screwing me over. I'm so over it. She can never be happy for me. NOTHING satisfies her. It really, really hurts. So for the most part what I'm going to do is pay off my debts to her (textbooks, maybe tires), get my phone line off hers,and stop contacting her (I'll only respond if she calls or texts me first.)

It may sound harsh, but I'm tired of being her bank-draining punching bag. She uses me. I actually enjoy her company when she's not complaining. She just uses me to complain about her problems or get me to do something for her. She doesn't care about me. Do you think she would call me to see how I'm doing? No way. It really hurts.

I can't even talk to her about my problems. Whenever I do she'll say like one thing about it then change the subject to herself again. I don't even think she realizes she's doing it.

She expects the impossible out of me. She expects me to be able to pay her back, pay for gas to drive 200 miles a week, and save up for a car and my future, pay for clothes necessities and fun, textbooks and tuition on a part time job. Not only that but be in school full time and keep my grades up. And never ask for help.Sounds easy right?

So until she appreciates me I'm going to let her wallow in her own problems that she brought on herself. There's nothing else I can do. I've tried to help her. I've given her advice COUNTLESS times. Does she EVER listen? Nope. Well I give up. If she's not going to treat me like her child and treat me like a leech I'm going to leave her alone. She is letting money get in the way of our relationship. To her money is more important than our relationship. If that's all she cares about then I'm gonna try my damnedest not to ask her for money (which I already do) but this time it will be combined with not trying to talk to her.  And you know what? Doing this won't teach her a damn thing. She'll just think I don't care about her (or not even notice). She won't consider why I'm doing it. She doesn't think about anybody but herself.

I'm getting myself away from that negativity. It's bringing me down and standing in the way of my happiness. Moving in with Daniel and his mom is the best thing I could've done for my happiness. I love my family, but I can't be around them. Since moving in with Daniel I've noticed that I've been so much happier and less stressed out. Just more relaxed. Sure this stuff has come up the last few days, but once that settles I'll be happy again. I can't do that in my old house. My mom makes it impossible. She wants to bring everyone down with her. So I'm doing the best thing I can do for myself and stay away from her. Well it feels a lot better to get that off my chest.