Denial

I don't know why we sometimes torture ourselves pretending to be someone we're not. The last week or so I've been having a lot of white girl thinking time (family guy reference) about who I am. Sure I want to be girlier, but I don't need to completely replace my wardrobe to do it. I don't need to buy hundreds of dollars worth of make-up. I just need to add on to who I am, not change myself. It's funny how it takes an episode of King of the Hill to realize that. I'm not going to get into the details but I'm glad I saw it. Ok well I will say this. Peggy (main character's wife) was trying to be more hip like this one mom. She was doing research and changing her looks and interests based on what the "hip" mom liked. The "moral" of the story wasn't what helped me realize what I did, but seeing a person go through and do research to become something that is nothing like what they actually are is wrong.

I'm not the girl who goes shopping for clothes once a week, buys everything pink or does reviews on make-up. I like black and white. I like clean surfaces. I like that I'm not in debt. I like that my closet is only half full. I like not having much. Why did I take a vacation from myself? I am who I am. Nobody told me to become who I am. I didn't do research to become who I am. (Well maybe for minimalism lol) Even then I didn't do it to really change who I am. I read about it because I was interested in how other people were doing it. Anyway, I feel better.