:/

My cars in the shop again. Ugh. I think my MIL is going to pay for it. I'm so thankful. I don't know what I'd do without her. My mom won't take responsibility for me. I can't wait until I'm done with accounting so I can get a job where I'm working more than 6 hours a week...anyway

I started writing this post because I wanted to talk about phones. (instead of studying for accounting like I should be doing.) I really need daniel's help, but he's at school right now. Anyway! So last time I talked about switching phones I never actually did it. I couldn't bring myself to. However today about an hour ago, I gave my mom the go ahead to shut off my phone. I really don't want to not have an iphone, but I have to. But I started thinking about this. I didn't get a cell phone until my junior year of high school. (2008) Yeah sure a few years have passed, but I functioned perfectly then! I had just moved here so I didn't really have any friends to text or anything. So I had a completely normal life without a cell phone. I think I can manage not having an iphone. I'm not going to lie, it's going to suck. But I've got to do it. I want to be as independent as possible even if it means me sacrificing a luxury.

Struggling with style

I wish I could find myself style wise! I really like black and grey. (like the pictures below) Most of my clothes now are black and grey, but aren't really like what the girls are wearing. I wish I knew if I wanted more of a variety (color, patterns) or not.

I'm mostly confused about my hair. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm unsure. Part of me wants to grow out all my layers and dye it a brown color. Another part of me wants it be redish and have lots of layers. I just can't decide! I feel like it looks more classy and feminine being long and brown. I guess I can try it and if I don't like it, I can cut it. I just don't know! ugh..

 

 

I think what I may do it grow out my layers, but keep my bangs somewhat short. Like the picture below. I don't know about the color yet. For the style, I for the most part already know what I like, it's just if I should anything outside of what I already like since what I do like is somewhat boring.

Not really sure

I haven't been thinking about getting rid of stuff lately. I don't know if I'm getting bored with it or what. Lately when I've been in my room alone I just feel like sad or lonely or something. I'm tired of looking at the same stuff. I'm tired of not feeling satisfied. I honestly don't know what would make me satisfied. I thought it was getting rid of everything. But I've got down to what I'm comfortable with and still am not satisfied. I can't decide if getting rid of things would make me happier or buying a couple things. I just hate how obsessed I am with it! How do I stop obsessing? I like living with less, but I really hate obsessing over it.

I wonder if I should stop reading about minimalism? That might help. When I read things it makes me feel like I need to live my life the way someone else is. ex. Don't buy anything, don't replace things just because you're bored with it, be eco friendly all the time, be able to fit all your clothes in a suitcase. Pressure. I need to do what makes me happy! Sadly, I'm not exactly sure what that is. Sometimes I'll buy something then a month later I won't want it anymore. Lately what I've been wanting to do is like go winter clothes shopping. Go to the mall, replace my crappy jackets for a good one, buy some jeans that don't have holes in them, drink something from starbucks, bundle up in a scarf. Sadly I have no money. I wouldn't buy jeans from the mall anyway. I love plato's closet.

I don't want to buy a lot of things. Just a couple. It's nice to do that every once in a while. I feel like I need some patterned shirts or something. All my clothes are either black, white, or grey. But whenever I feel the need to buy something it's always clothes. If it were other things I'd be a little worried.

Well then I started thinking about decor. Not that I'm going to do anything, I'm just thinking. Lately here the weather has been cooler. Daniel's mom kindly put a blanket in my room for me incase I got cold at night. It was this mostly pink, with a lot of other colors quilt. Very bright in my drab room. For some reason I actually kind of liked it. It got me thinking. Maybe I should add some color to my room. I love black and white but maybe I'm longing for color? I've been browsing while writing this and found something I like!

It's from Ikea and it's only $50! I kinda wish it had some orange in it though since that's kinda my color. I almost feel like I've overkilled myself on white. I like it still. It's just not as satisfying as it was. I tend to overkill myself on things I like. I really wish I didn't do that.

Wishlist

So I have a pinterest account here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/

I made a board of things that, out of everything, I really love. Here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/wishlist/
I really like it :)

^><^

Man I need my ends cut so bad on my hair! It's really bad. I can't do it myself, because it won't be straight. It's been bothering me lately. I really want my hair to be long though. This is what always happens. I try to grow my hair out, the ends get really bad, so I go to get them cut. I ask for 1/2 an inch, they cut off 2. Then it takes for ever to grow back. Not cool. I think the top part of my hair is in somewhat need of a trim too.

I was just thinking about this. Maybe next time when I dye my hair I'll dye it more of a strawberry red than a dark red. I haven't really done that. Not super light but lighter than what I have been doing, but not as intense. Idk just an idea. That's actually kind of similar to how it is now, but faded into a muted orangey color. It'd be easy to do with my freshly grown hair (sounds weird.) since it's light. I'm getting too sleepy to write.

Pursuit of Happiness

I was listening to "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi today and it just got me thinking about my life. Right now parts of it really suck. The good things are: I have a faithful, loving caring man; I have a roof over my head; I have a car that runs; I kind of have a job; I'm in decent health; I have a family that I at least think cares about me.  I am very thankful for these things. But every day I'm blinded by things that frustrate me. Sometimes I feel like I never have a break. My accounting class is completely ruling my life. If I'm not waking up early to drive to class, working to pay for gas to drive me to that class, or being helped by Daniel with my homework for that class, then I'm studying my butt off for the 1 test a week. It's really pathetic because I'm only working 4-6 hours a week. ALL of that money is going to gas for school or hygiene items that come up. That's it.

I just want this semester to be over with!!! I really feel like I won't be able to get a better job until this semester is over because of how much time I'm having to devote to this class. Also the other classes I have are in the middle of the day so I really can't work those days. The only days I can work are weekends and monday and wednesday. Right now the only days I'm working are the weekend. It REALLY sucks. That's when most people unwind. Nope not me. That's when I have to work.

I think I'd be perfectly happy with

a roll up futon for a bed and floor cushions instead of a couch. I'm not entirely sure but I have a feeling I would like it. I would atleast try it. I do know though that plopping on something big and cushiony after a long day is like nothing else. Man I just love emptyness! I can't get enough of it. Is it because it's so rare? Think about it: how long do rooms usually stay empty? Not very long. I just love moving into a new house and every room echos. I really hate clutter. It completely overwhelms me. It's like I just want to close my eyes and think "there's no place like an empty room" while clicking my heels. I love my classrooms at school, especially in the new building. There's desks, chairs, a teacher's table and that's it. There aren't any posters because so many different classes use the rooms. A lot of the rooms have big open windows too. It's a great learning environment.

...

I wonder if I were to box up all my possessions how much I would have. Not including furniture. I would imagine like 6 or 7 big storage bins worth. I have 3 storage bin things right now, 1 of keepsakes (diploma, trophy, yearbooks etc.), 1 with future type stuff (plastic bowls I got at walmart that are greyscale and plates, drawer organizer), 1 with art. I want to take a picture of a lot of the art and get rid of it because it's really not all that great. Not worth keeping a paper copy of. Besides those bins I don't have much. Clothes winter and summer, shoes, beauty products, sketchbooks, a small box of art supplies, my electronics and media that go along with it, bags, a little bit of office supplies, important documents, some decor, that's about it. I guess I really don't have that much. Those bins are throwing it for me. I really shouldn't be keeping those future type things, but I couldn't resist because I really liked them. And I wanted them before I bought them, then they went on sale. I wish we would've been able to buy cups too but they didn't have any. If we don't use them or end up not liking them I can always donate them.

I'm so scared that when we get married everyone is going to A) give us ugly hand me downs or B) buy stuff assuming we will like it because they like it. Honestly I really don't want people to give us much when we get married. We're both really picky. Me more so than Daniel though. Appliances are really the only think I want. Not even that many. A coffee maker maybe, a rice cooker, blender, toaster. I can't think of anything being useful besides that. Also cooking spoons and spatulas would be nice. But even those me and Daniel want something specific (bright colors). I kind of hate how picky and specific I am. I just know what I like.

I'm realizing I'm really not a gift kind of person. The last 3 or 4 Christmases all I've gotten from my parents was a desk, a chair for that desk, a heater for my room, a big flat screen tv, a media shelf thing, a blu ray player, an ipod nano, a straightener, a nice abercrombie jacket (from ebay for like $70, pretty good deal). I really don't get anything extra. Yes these are all really nice things. And they've all survived my minimalist twister. However, now I'm getting to the point where I have everything I need. Now I'm becoming a gift card kind of person. I actually really like gift cards. I can use them for make up, beauty products, clothes, cheap jewelry. Sure they're impersonal. But I'm inpersonal. I hate to be that way, but completely honestly if I don't like something I won't use it. None of us do. I know it puts people in a weird position though because everyone is so accustomed to buying things for people. I can't wait til I'm 21 so I can tell people to just buy me a six pack or something lol. I'm definitely a consumables kind of person. I'd much rather get a bottle of local hot sauce when you go out of town than a flip flop key chain with a location printed on it.

I've been thinking about minimalism and marriage. Daniel specifically. And trying to think of how everything is going to play out when we move in to our own place. I've realized that Daniel is actually pretty minimal. Besides his computer and music stuff. Which is his hobby so I don't mind. I wish he'd get rid of some of his older computer equipment though. Stuff I know he won't use. But that's really my only complaint. He really doesn't have many clothes. That's probably a guy thing though. Also he doesn't get attached to things as easily as some people. Me included. I've watched him just toss t-shirts with no regrets. That probably shouldn't be a turn on but it is. lol. He really doesn't buy much either. Just stuff to improve things he already has. Also he tends to sell stuff that just lays around. So I think everything will be ok in the minimalist aspect.

Is there a "there"?

There may not be. Some people believe minimalism is never ending. I guess they're probably right. I need to realize this. I shouldn't beat myself up all the time for not being as minimal as some people are. I need to stop worrying about getting to my most minimal amount of possessions. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to get rid of things. I just am going to try to stop being upset when I look around and see that my room still has things that could be gone. I think one thing that's throwing it off is furniture. Almost all of my furniture is barely being used. Besides my dresser. My desk is seriously a joke. I like the look of it, but it barely has anything in it and I almost never even sit at it. My tv stand only has my tv, xbox, blu ray player (which I don't use), ihome and a elephant bank on it. I actually don't really use any of that stuff (besides my ihome). But I'm not getting rid of any of it. I would consider selling my blu ray player but idk. So anyway I'm going to take that off of my list of my "fantasy self".

So little by little I guess. I really do wish I could just suck it up, and decide whether I want to keep something or not. I'm not even sure what it is I want to get rid of. Maybe I do. Some clothes, I want all my stuff scanned and typed, my nail polish bothers me. I have like 6 colors. Some purses maybe, JEWELRY. I don't have much but it really weighs on me. Probably because I don't wear it. I'll figure it out.

What is better for maintaining a minimalist lifestyle

Is it better to get rid of all of your belongings within 30 days or slowly get rid of things piece by piece? Perhaps it's more fulfilling to get rid of everything within 30 days. But I think it's more realistic and likely to stick if you do it slowly over a longer period of time. It's taken me about 2 years to get where I am. I also don't have a household of possessions like a lot of beginning minimalists do. I'm only 20 I haven't had the chance to accumulate that much. And yet it's still taken me this long. I still am not super minimal but comfortable. I would still like to have less. However I use everything I have. I know I have clothes that I don't wear or don't want. It's so hard though with no replacements! Now I want to go through my stuff. However I'm at school with Daniel. I won't really have a chance to until Sunday.

:)

Lots of good stuff going on :) I don't think I'm gonna go into great detail, but my mom got that house for sure!! It's not closed yet! But what I'm also excited about it that my mom has been a LOT better. She's actually been really enjoyable to be around! the last 3 times or so I went over there she hasn't been complaining much at all! She's been joking around with me a lot and actually asking how I'm doing. It's been really great and has made me really, really happy. I think this is due to 2 things. 1) She's taking a new medicine now 2) she has the house now. I've really been happy about that, because I was really upset about how she was acting before. Her memory still isn't great and she still interrupts, but she doesn't interrupt as much and the her good mood makes up for not remembering anything I tell her.

Also I brought those boxes to my moms! I was just gonna let her go through it then I would donate the rest, but she wants my sister to go through the stuff but she wasn't there. So I just left it there. There really wasn't much. Plus it's such a small amount that I don't really care that it's over there, because I know they're gonna have the garage sale now since they got the house. So that stuff is gone! :D

Also something that's kind of dumb that I'm happy about is I bought this new shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Stuff I've been wanting to try for a while. The body wash is the mint and rosemary one from Burt's Bees (like $8). I like it. Body washes aren't really that exciting. lol. But it doesn't lather much. It's actually kind of nice that it doesn't. I like the scent. The shampoo and conditioner are from Organix. It's the cherry blossom scent. Normally they're $7 or $8 a bottle but at target they were having a sale for $4.88 each. I hope they don't stop carrying it :( Because there were barely any left. However I know wal-mart carries it and in more scents (they all smell realllly good). I actually really like it. It obviously doesn't lather much (no sulfates) but it left my hair feeling really clean, soft, and nice. It dried quicker too. I finally found a shampoo I want to stick with! That's big for me since I try a new kind every time I buy some. It kind of sucks it's so expensive, but I really want to only buy better products (no sulfates or parabens). So I'm meeting that goal! :)

I'm trying to use physicians formula make up. (I have really sensitive skin) I want to replace my mascara, liquid eyeliner, and pencil eyeliner as they run out. My liquid is about to run out so I'll probably replace that one first. They have this like felt tip thing that isn't liquid eyeliner but it's basically the same thing. Then mascara after that once I get money whether it's out or not. I've had it for probably 6 months. (I know you're supposed to replace your mascara every so often). But I'm gonna wait for my pencil to run out. I know it may seem like I want expensive products when I'm trying to save money, but I'm tired of using crap and not being happy! I don't want to settle! I'm working hard to stop settling. I'd rather spend $20 on shampoo and conditoner that I want than $8 on stuff that's crap. Since I really don't buy much, I treat myself to these things that I know I'll use.

My eye shadows are where I'm more lenient. I want a variety. I really don't like different color liners and mascaras. Just black. I'm only using (physicians formula) powder and PF concealer right now for my face. But I don't use
blush, primer, foundation, bronzer, or anything like that. I actually kind of want another PF concealer though. The one I have a green one now for redness. I need a skin colored one to go over that since the green is kinda hard to cover. So I got my powder, concealer, 1 liquid eyeliner, 1 pencil eyeliner, and 1 mascara. Where I play it up is eyeshadows. I have 1 almay quad (for blue eyes), 1 maybelline quad (browns), and 2 maybelline duos (the ones I just bought and wrote about). That's good for now. I can't think of any other colors I must have. I've kind of been wanting to dry some more baked and golden colors. But I'll wait for that. I don't wear any lipgloss or lipstick. I just have an EOS chapstick and that's it. If I could find the right color I'd probably wear it, but I don't want to waste money on products I may not like or use.