Hmm

I hate when I get like this. Lately I've been watching videos on YouTube about fashion and make up and stuff and now it's made me want to buy make up and beauty products. I've always wanted to be feminine, but it just never happens. I don't know what I have to do to feel feminine. I think it's my eyebrows. There's just something about them. I've tried and tried to make them feminine, but nothing works. Also, it doesn't help that I can't really wear contacts. I have a really hard time because my eyes are really dry. It makes me sad that I can't wear them. I feel like part of my face is missing and it just makes me not even want to try, because I can't see. It wouldn't be that bad if my eyesight wasn't so bad, but when I take my glasses off to do my make up I have to get super close to the mirror and can barely see what I'm doing if I'm more than 6 inches away from the mirror. It's depressing. It's just been getting to me lately. Sure glasses are cool and artsy, but I would love to not have to wear them. Especially not all the time. Ugh. Well that rant makes me feel a bit better.

Well I just completely cleared off my desk. I want to see if I like that. I don't think I've tried it before surprisingly.

So the channel I've been watching is called EverythingLuxy. The following picture is a screenshot of one of the videos. (I cut out the bottom part because nobody wants to see that. I am just really inspired by this girls room. It's so simple and clean. Normally I love dark either black or espresso mixed in decor, but this room really stands out to me. I especially love the little bench thing at the end of her bed. I also don't normally like hardwood floors, here they look good (I sound so creepy, but what can I say, I love interior design :D ) Anyway, I think I've subconsciously always longed for a room where everything matches and goes together. I try to do that in my room, but that doesn't happen. Her walls are very uncluttered. I mean I guess it does look like it's out of a magazine, but idk I just really like it. I would've never thought of they grey/silver and white combo. It reminds me of like stars or something. Maybe I'm getting too detailed, but I just really long for something like this.

[credit: http://www.youtube.com/user/EverythingLuxy#p/u/4/1mlTBFEPWvI]

Ahh I don't know why I'm feeling so sad tonight. I just want a nice room. I work so hard, but I'm just never happy with that I have/have done. I just don't know what to do.