A picture says a thousand words doesn't it?

 

I found this picture through a google search typing in something along the lines of "parisian apartment". I just fell in love with the picture. It's pretty much exactly my style. Very minimal, clean lines, airy, neutral. I just love it. I also love how bright it is and the fresh flowers on the window sill. And white walls.

I don't think I'm the only one that feels like people think white walls are something to ashamed of. I was reading the blog zero waste home and the blogger wrote an entry addressing how people criticize her for having white walls. Why is that? Why is it so wrong? Well I support her. There's nothing wrong with not wanting color. Sometimes I feel like there is, but that's just pressure getting to me. It's just someone's taste. It doesn't mean they're cold, or boring. 

I'm afraid of things not matching

And it bothers me. I am a perfectionist and I feel like if everything doesn't match I won't be happy. I know I've mentioned this before. I just don't like color. Is that wrong?

The other day, Daniel and I were at Dick's Sporting Goods. We're planning a camping trip and were looking for things we may need. To produce less waste, we were looking at reusable camping plates and things like that. They had mess kits and they had plastic plates. From the plates alone, there were only two colors to choose from, blue and green. There were also these plastic mess kits that were yellow/black or red/black. I wanted metal. Which they had but was like $8 a plate. (I obviously would only need one) But Daniel told me I was too picky because I wouldn't get one of the cheap plastic ones because it was a color I didn't like. And he was right. I didn't end up buying anything. Mostly because I don't have money. But I was thinking, am I being picky, or am I just being smart? I know that if I buy something I don't love, I will end up wanting to get rid of it. When the time rolls around I will probably end up buying the metal one.

As mentioned before, I watch youtube videos about fashion and stuff. I see outfits and I just think "huh." I can't justify spending $20 on a orange patterned clutch so it matches an outfit. I like fashion, but I don't understand it. I really wish I did. I wish I could get over not liking color. Most of my wardrobe is neutrals. All my bags are neutrals. I just feel like it's wrong to not like color. Almost like it's selfish or something.

So with that said, I get confused when I see something like this (courtesy apartmenttherapy.com):

Because I like it. I like the way it looks, but I know if I were to do something like this, I would just want to swap it out after a while. I guess I'll just live vicariously through Apartment Therapy until I get over commitment issues. But then again, nobody says I have to like color.

Hmm

I hate when I get like this. Lately I've been watching videos on YouTube about fashion and make up and stuff and now it's made me want to buy make up and beauty products. I've always wanted to be feminine, but it just never happens. I don't know what I have to do to feel feminine. I think it's my eyebrows. There's just something about them. I've tried and tried to make them feminine, but nothing works. Also, it doesn't help that I can't really wear contacts. I have a really hard time because my eyes are really dry. It makes me sad that I can't wear them. I feel like part of my face is missing and it just makes me not even want to try, because I can't see. It wouldn't be that bad if my eyesight wasn't so bad, but when I take my glasses off to do my make up I have to get super close to the mirror and can barely see what I'm doing if I'm more than 6 inches away from the mirror. It's depressing. It's just been getting to me lately. Sure glasses are cool and artsy, but I would love to not have to wear them. Especially not all the time. Ugh. Well that rant makes me feel a bit better.

Well I just completely cleared off my desk. I want to see if I like that. I don't think I've tried it before surprisingly.

So the channel I've been watching is called EverythingLuxy. The following picture is a screenshot of one of the videos. (I cut out the bottom part because nobody wants to see that. I am just really inspired by this girls room. It's so simple and clean. Normally I love dark either black or espresso mixed in decor, but this room really stands out to me. I especially love the little bench thing at the end of her bed. I also don't normally like hardwood floors, here they look good (I sound so creepy, but what can I say, I love interior design :D ) Anyway, I think I've subconsciously always longed for a room where everything matches and goes together. I try to do that in my room, but that doesn't happen. Her walls are very uncluttered. I mean I guess it does look like it's out of a magazine, but idk I just really like it. I would've never thought of they grey/silver and white combo. It reminds me of like stars or something. Maybe I'm getting too detailed, but I just really long for something like this.

[credit: http://www.youtube.com/user/EverythingLuxy#p/u/4/1mlTBFEPWvI]

Ahh I don't know why I'm feeling so sad tonight. I just want a nice room. I work so hard, but I'm just never happy with that I have/have done. I just don't know what to do.

Stuff going on lately

I'd say there's a lot going on in my little minimalist world lately. Lately, I've been more ruthless with getting rid of things. I realized I would never get to where I want by holding on to things that I know I won't use. I just want to get to my goal so bad. I mean there is no set list of things I want to get rid of or only have. I guess there kind of is for what I want to get rid of, but stuff is always being added. I just want to be happy with my possessions and I want to be there NOW. Sometimes I feel like it will never happen.

So I've decided I no longer want my stereo. I definitely want to replace it with an iHome. I know the stereo will sound better, but to me having something that takes up like 1/8 of the space and looks better, but may sound worse is worth it to me. Stereos are just kind of outdated with everyone having iPods. I use mine now for my iPod with a 3ft long cable (super obnoxious). Not only that but I have the newest iPod and it's like and 1 1/2 x 1 1/2 so it just looks ridiculous attached to that cable. This is the one I want:

So in addition to that, I've decided to just throw out my acrylic paint and a water color palette that kind of sucks. (I bought a better one) I've seriously had that paint since I've moved here and if I haven't used it much in almost 5 years then I'm not going to. Wow I can't believe I've lived here that long. Anyway, the paint just stresses me out. I decided that I only want my sketching pencils, watercolors and prisma colors (expensive colored pencils. The box I have goes for about $30). I don't use the prisma colors either, but I have needed colored pencils for school in the past so I figured I may as well just use them. (Usually I use cheap colored pencils for school). Yeah it's wasting money, but hey I've had them for like 5 years also and have barely used them, so why not?

Also, I've been going through different things in my room that I've needed to such as my sewing box and this box with like screws and nails it in. My sewing box still needs a ton more work. But the box with the compartments and screws and stuff in it I just ended up throwing most of it out. It was mostly replacements pieces for the cheap particle board furniture I have which I know I won't need. I managed to completely empty it and only keep a few things and put them in a soft "zippered pencil case" in my desk.

That pencil pouch or whatever you want to call it holds all my office supplies. I have other stuff in there too like a pair of extra headphones, staples, staple remover, lens cleaning cloths, stuff like that. It works well because my desk has very shallow drawers so it can lay flat.

The main things that have priority of getting rid of or doing are:

- Selling stereo/buying iHome
- Scanning papers
- Making DVD's digital then selling them when completed
- Finishing that same pencil eyeliner
- Finishing a spray I have (I like the smell of it, but just don't want it for some reason)

There's also some stuff I want to buy or replace (I'll admit it, I'm a minimalist that likes buying stuff ;)

- Good set of coasters
- Replace 3 hole punch (mine is broken and teal) I'd rather get a black one
- Clear glass with clear gems or stones for my bamboo (I have two bamboo plants. I want to give my mom one that is only a single stalk. I want to keep the other one and replace the pot with the clear stuff and then use it's current pot for a change dish for Daniel. The one I have for him now takes up too much space)
- Some kind of basket or container for my purses and bags
- Maybe a basket or container for my shoes
- Some kind of natural shampoo and maybe conditioner
- Maybe some kind of natural body wash (I just bought Dr. Bronner's magic soap, but I don't know if I like it)

I think that's it for now. I just bought a new hair brush today cause my other one was really old and nasty. And red. I tried cleaning it with hot soapy water, but the only actual soap we have is crappy and actually made it worse because now the dirt sticks. So I bought a new black and silver one from CVS. I can't wait until I get "there". I'm getting closer and closer :)