:/

My cars in the shop again. Ugh. I think my MIL is going to pay for it. I'm so thankful. I don't know what I'd do without her. My mom won't take responsibility for me. I can't wait until I'm done with accounting so I can get a job where I'm working more than 6 hours a week...anyway

I started writing this post because I wanted to talk about phones. (instead of studying for accounting like I should be doing.) I really need daniel's help, but he's at school right now. Anyway! So last time I talked about switching phones I never actually did it. I couldn't bring myself to. However today about an hour ago, I gave my mom the go ahead to shut off my phone. I really don't want to not have an iphone, but I have to. But I started thinking about this. I didn't get a cell phone until my junior year of high school. (2008) Yeah sure a few years have passed, but I functioned perfectly then! I had just moved here so I didn't really have any friends to text or anything. So I had a completely normal life without a cell phone. I think I can manage not having an iphone. I'm not going to lie, it's going to suck. But I've got to do it. I want to be as independent as possible even if it means me sacrificing a luxury.

Struggling with style

I wish I could find myself style wise! I really like black and grey. (like the pictures below) Most of my clothes now are black and grey, but aren't really like what the girls are wearing. I wish I knew if I wanted more of a variety (color, patterns) or not.

I'm mostly confused about my hair. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm unsure. Part of me wants to grow out all my layers and dye it a brown color. Another part of me wants it be redish and have lots of layers. I just can't decide! I feel like it looks more classy and feminine being long and brown. I guess I can try it and if I don't like it, I can cut it. I just don't know! ugh..

 

 

I think what I may do it grow out my layers, but keep my bangs somewhat short. Like the picture below. I don't know about the color yet. For the style, I for the most part already know what I like, it's just if I should anything outside of what I already like since what I do like is somewhat boring.

Not really sure

I haven't been thinking about getting rid of stuff lately. I don't know if I'm getting bored with it or what. Lately when I've been in my room alone I just feel like sad or lonely or something. I'm tired of looking at the same stuff. I'm tired of not feeling satisfied. I honestly don't know what would make me satisfied. I thought it was getting rid of everything. But I've got down to what I'm comfortable with and still am not satisfied. I can't decide if getting rid of things would make me happier or buying a couple things. I just hate how obsessed I am with it! How do I stop obsessing? I like living with less, but I really hate obsessing over it.

I wonder if I should stop reading about minimalism? That might help. When I read things it makes me feel like I need to live my life the way someone else is. ex. Don't buy anything, don't replace things just because you're bored with it, be eco friendly all the time, be able to fit all your clothes in a suitcase. Pressure. I need to do what makes me happy! Sadly, I'm not exactly sure what that is. Sometimes I'll buy something then a month later I won't want it anymore. Lately what I've been wanting to do is like go winter clothes shopping. Go to the mall, replace my crappy jackets for a good one, buy some jeans that don't have holes in them, drink something from starbucks, bundle up in a scarf. Sadly I have no money. I wouldn't buy jeans from the mall anyway. I love plato's closet.

I don't want to buy a lot of things. Just a couple. It's nice to do that every once in a while. I feel like I need some patterned shirts or something. All my clothes are either black, white, or grey. But whenever I feel the need to buy something it's always clothes. If it were other things I'd be a little worried.

Well then I started thinking about decor. Not that I'm going to do anything, I'm just thinking. Lately here the weather has been cooler. Daniel's mom kindly put a blanket in my room for me incase I got cold at night. It was this mostly pink, with a lot of other colors quilt. Very bright in my drab room. For some reason I actually kind of liked it. It got me thinking. Maybe I should add some color to my room. I love black and white but maybe I'm longing for color? I've been browsing while writing this and found something I like!

It's from Ikea and it's only $50! I kinda wish it had some orange in it though since that's kinda my color. I almost feel like I've overkilled myself on white. I like it still. It's just not as satisfying as it was. I tend to overkill myself on things I like. I really wish I didn't do that.

Wishlist

So I have a pinterest account here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/

I made a board of things that, out of everything, I really love. Here: http://pinterest.com/sanokid/wishlist/
I really like it :)

^><^

Man I need my ends cut so bad on my hair! It's really bad. I can't do it myself, because it won't be straight. It's been bothering me lately. I really want my hair to be long though. This is what always happens. I try to grow my hair out, the ends get really bad, so I go to get them cut. I ask for 1/2 an inch, they cut off 2. Then it takes for ever to grow back. Not cool. I think the top part of my hair is in somewhat need of a trim too.

I was just thinking about this. Maybe next time when I dye my hair I'll dye it more of a strawberry red than a dark red. I haven't really done that. Not super light but lighter than what I have been doing, but not as intense. Idk just an idea. That's actually kind of similar to how it is now, but faded into a muted orangey color. It'd be easy to do with my freshly grown hair (sounds weird.) since it's light. I'm getting too sleepy to write.

Pursuit of Happiness

I was listening to "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi today and it just got me thinking about my life. Right now parts of it really suck. The good things are: I have a faithful, loving caring man; I have a roof over my head; I have a car that runs; I kind of have a job; I'm in decent health; I have a family that I at least think cares about me.  I am very thankful for these things. But every day I'm blinded by things that frustrate me. Sometimes I feel like I never have a break. My accounting class is completely ruling my life. If I'm not waking up early to drive to class, working to pay for gas to drive me to that class, or being helped by Daniel with my homework for that class, then I'm studying my butt off for the 1 test a week. It's really pathetic because I'm only working 4-6 hours a week. ALL of that money is going to gas for school or hygiene items that come up. That's it.

I just want this semester to be over with!!! I really feel like I won't be able to get a better job until this semester is over because of how much time I'm having to devote to this class. Also the other classes I have are in the middle of the day so I really can't work those days. The only days I can work are weekends and monday and wednesday. Right now the only days I'm working are the weekend. It REALLY sucks. That's when most people unwind. Nope not me. That's when I have to work.

I think I'd be perfectly happy with

a roll up futon for a bed and floor cushions instead of a couch. I'm not entirely sure but I have a feeling I would like it. I would atleast try it. I do know though that plopping on something big and cushiony after a long day is like nothing else. Man I just love emptyness! I can't get enough of it. Is it because it's so rare? Think about it: how long do rooms usually stay empty? Not very long. I just love moving into a new house and every room echos. I really hate clutter. It completely overwhelms me. It's like I just want to close my eyes and think "there's no place like an empty room" while clicking my heels. I love my classrooms at school, especially in the new building. There's desks, chairs, a teacher's table and that's it. There aren't any posters because so many different classes use the rooms. A lot of the rooms have big open windows too. It's a great learning environment.